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Old 09-30-2008, 02:57 PM   #21
Booktender
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Re: Would you give him a Heads Up?
apeman, uh, have you lost touch with reality here? Why on earth would the courts even look at Sage's behavior? There were no clues that this sort of thing could happen when her daughter went there.
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Old 09-30-2008, 03:23 PM   #22
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Re: Would you give him a Heads Up?
If I'm correct, dad is contemplating moving in with this woman. He was NOT married or living with her. How could Sage know that this boy would have access to her daughter? I might understand your post if Sage (or any parent) was aware that there was a juvenile or any offender in residence at the home of the Ex, but that isn't the case.

Do you really think that we are forever responsible for bad decisions made by our ex's.
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Old 09-30-2008, 03:51 PM   #23
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Re: Would you give him a Heads Up?
Sage, I am sorry to hear about your predictament. However, I do applaud you for taking the actions you took. If I were in your shoes, without a doubt, I would have done the same. Have no regret doing what you did and you do not own your ex anything. He is a poor excuse for a father.
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Old 09-30-2008, 04:07 PM   #24
lizzie
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Re: Would you give him a Heads Up?
I think the worst part of this is the father's reaction to this. You would expect that he would want to protect his daughter. But he's more interested in deflecting blame.

Bad stuff happens to kids. He didn't want this episode known and would rather his daughter stuff it than have any possible blame fall on him for lack of supervision.

I think the court would see that this man is clearly not up to the task of raising a teenager.
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Old 10-01-2008, 06:54 AM   #25
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Re: Would you give him a Heads Up?
Apeman: Actually, I was blindsided by this. If you remember, I said my D went to live with her dad f/t in April. It was then that I was caring for my terminally ill mother and D said she'd rather be with her dad than be exposed to the dying of her grandmother. Remember me posting about being devastated when my D told me she wanted to live permanently w/her dad - the same day my mom was buried?

I didn't know about ex having a gf until summer time when D started talking about them all buying a house together, yada yada yada. I didn't even know gf's or her son's name until all this happened - I try very hard to stay out of ex's business.

So, as to your point apeman, this is wholely and squarely on the ex. It was his job to protect our D while in his care but he chose to try to protect her violator instead - and now he has to live with that decision.
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Old 10-01-2008, 12:23 PM   #26
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Re: Would you give him a Heads Up?
apeman, exactly what alternate universe do you live in in which it's possible to know all the details about the private lives of our exes as well as have any sort of say in it?

It doesn't matter one little rat's hiney if the ex moved in with a woman or if her son is a juvenile delinquent. Unless it's actually proven endangerment, tangible or mental, or has an extremely high likelihood of becoming so, no court is even going to blink at the situation. Until the situation of the molestation, there would have been nothing Sage could do anyhow. This is along the basic lines of innocent-until-proven-guilty -- unless you take "Minority Report" for fact rather than science fiction.

Here and now, after the crime, there is plenty she can do. And that is what the court will see and decide upon.

What I'm trying to figure out from your posts is what spell book you're using to conjure any sort of blame to be laid on Sage...It's got to be from some other fantasy realm or dimension, because it definitely doesn't exist in this one.

Note to Sage: In some mystical and non-existant court of law such as the one apeman is suggesting, yes... you would probably be found guilty of the charges of being non-clairaudient, non-clairvoyant, and failing to use your superpowers and psychic ability to predict the future. As a side note, there are laws on other planets which supersede the laws here, thus allowing you to fly in the face of custody orders when you find yourself unable to control the intimate details at your ex husband's house... but I think you actually have to produce documentation that you're from one of those other planets to be able to use those laws in one of our ordinary human courts.
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Old 10-04-2008, 11:05 AM   #27
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Re: Would you give him a Heads Up?
I can sort of understand that the authorities would want to see if there is any reason to suspect some sort of ex spouse retribution on Sage's part but that would be stretching things a bit. I would think that if anyone else would be investigated it would be Sage's ex and his gf. It was under their watch that the incident occurred.

This is not to say that they had anything to do with it but Sage's ex telling D not to mention what has happened could make him an accessory after the fact in a sexual abuse case.
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Old 10-06-2008, 02:04 PM   #28
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Re: Would you give him a Heads Up?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sage3 View Post
Situation: D15 went to live with dad, f/t, in April. She said it was to develop a stronger relationship with him. D15 had the ‘time of her life’ over the summer – mostly due to totally free reign, no supervision, etc. (my opinion).

Earlier this month, I get a call asking me to take D15 to the Dr for a sore throat: father couldn’t get time off work to do so. D15 ends up having mono – diagnosed after passing out in the Dr office. Apparently, D15 was too sick to feed herself and father was too busy to make her anything. D stays with me during recuperation. In the following days, D is acting out and eventually the story comes out: the 16 yo son of father’s gf molested my daughter the previous weekend. D15 told her dad … at which time her dad encouraged her not to tell me, nor to tell the police. You see, dad is in the process of moving into gf’s house, with the boy who violated my D, and he doesn’t want to upset the applecart.

Needless to say, D15, her counselor, and I filed a police report; I contacted my lawyer, and I’m filing for sole custody of D. (When I called ex to say a police report has been filed, he actually put gf on the phone to me and let her yell all kinds of crap to me! Pretty pathetic.)

Current status: ex has moved in with gf and is expecting D to move in as well, when things settle down a bit(!). D is adamant about not being around her violator and has all kinds of anger issues about her dad because of his refusal to protect her, etc etc. Family court is supposed to be contacting ex in the next week or so with a court date to hear my motion of custody change. I tried e-mailing him to give him a heads up but the email bounced back to me. I have no forwarding addy.

I loathe to hear ex’s voice thus am reluctant to call him. So my question: is it the right thing to do – give ex a call to let him know of upcoming court action – or not say anything and just let him be blindsided with court papers he is not expecting?
If you must let him know, let your attorney do it. I wouldn't contact him personally. I am just sick for your Daughter. Protect her that is the important thing! Unreal. Prayers for your Daughter....
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Old 10-06-2008, 02:06 PM   #29
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Re: Would you give him a Heads Up?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sage3 View Post
Oh my goodness... the Sheriff just called me. The 16yo boy will be arrested tomorrow.
I'm happy he's going to be arrested.
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Old 10-06-2008, 04:09 PM   #30
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Re: Would you give him a Heads Up?
Hope you and daughter are doing OK sage.
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