Life is glorious on the other side of divorce
Probably nobody will remember me. I was addicted to DOL at one time and even met my husband here. We have been married for 19 years, gloriously. All of our children are doing well and we even have grandchildren.
All I have to say is that you're having a problematic marriage and constantly trying to figure out how to fix it and have gone to counseling - screw it.
It is simply not worth it to try to live through a bad marriage. If you have children involved, you're just teaching them how to act in their own potential marriages. Don't wait. I waited way too long and have regretted the damage that I did to my children by witnessing an abusive marriage. My advice is to make a clean break of it, treat your former spouse with respect, and have a happy life. I certainly have and it's simply glorious on the other side.