This is starting to bug me...

[Amazonite]

I was divorced in 2006, after five years of (off and on) separation. I've since remarried, and my ex has been in a long-term relationship for about two years as well. Our children are grown, so we don't have occasion to see much of each other, although things are cordial when we do.

So why do I keep dreaming about him? Recently it's been nearly every night. I don't want to be with him again. Sometimes the dreams have been fairly sexual in nature, which really makes me feel weird.

I wish I could tell my subconscious mind to lay off.

[ghead1]

"Sometimes the dreams have been fairly sexual in nature, which really makes me feel weird."

ugh. I hate having sexy dreams about people I'm NOT interested in! I also wonder why...

Have you ever tried, before going to sleep, to focus on something you do want to dream about? Sometimes I am successful in creating a scenario as I am going to sleep, and will manage to incorporate it into my dreams. For me it is usually a place/state of mind combo, more so than it is a matter of saying "I want to dream about Bill, not Ted". But at least it sets a mental stage for (me) walking through a forest or garden, rather than randomly allowing myself to land in the middle of a train station having HWMS with one of the Sr VP's of my company :-)

[Amazonite]

It's sure worth a try.

I used to listen to relaxation / guided imagery CDs as I went to sleep, I bet they would help. Not sure how they'd go over now with DH...

[Theo!]

I went through a period about a month ago where I had a lot of fantasies about my ex. Came out of nowhere, no big life changes or emotional upheavals to speak of, just popped in my head at times.

Doesn't mean I want to be with her again, but there's no shame in admitting there was a time I found her pretty attractive and that a few of our experiences are worth remembering. I figure enjoy the memories for what they are and don't sweat it.

If you're fantasizing about your ex or anyone else while you're being intimate with your husband, that's something else altogether, and has more to do with your feelings about your current relationship than your old ones I think.

[zuzuzu]

Good insight, Theo; I would agree as well.


amazon, perhaps there are subtle, subconscious triggers... .maybe even smells, images, etc. that are causing this. Maybe not. It probably doesn't matter because the energy invested to try to change this might better be spent in allowing yourself to accept this in order to move on.

I read some book about emotions that proposed "feeling" things but not holding onto them. IOW, recognize the feeling but do not start analyzing or obsessing over it... .it will run its natural course from strong to weak and then pass, if we allow it. I thought that was an interesting view of emotions on which we might get suck (or harm ourselves in focusing on).

Hope it passes quickly...!

[Amazonite]

Theo, yours sounds pretty much on the money. There were some good times. Sometimes I used to wish for some heavy-duty anger, so I could make an emotional break.

Zuzu, I agree with acknowledging the feeling (dream) and then letting it pass. Will try to keep it on that level, I think it will be better that way.

[Booktender]

When my father was dying and for about a month afterward, The Lad's Dad kept showing up in my dreams. He kept faking me out. winning by deceit. BLECH! Finally, I dreamt that he'd burned me really good. I mean incredibly. And then someone told me that he'd driven up the road and shot himself to death.

And that was the last time I dreamed about him!

A couple of weeks ago I started dreaming about dear old Officer Obtuse. never a real relationship but...what was that anyway? It was while Mom was here for her first visit after Dad died.

So I figure my subconscious must be helping me let go of those other male relationships just like I've had to let go of my Dad.

And PLEASE, don't read anything more Freudian into it. That's just too sick to think about.