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Phoebe
11-18-2007, 12:55 AM
Hi, would any one know the answer or direct me where I could find the answer to this question.

My friend is involved in a long complicated custody dispute with his ex wife. Been going on two years. His wife and I were discussing the case. Basically the father who is gainfully employed and his second wife who has the health insurance would like his daughter to live with them here in the city. The daughter has several health problems and requires ongoing medical care that is provided in the city (Milw has the best Children's hospital here).

Mother lives in another city, works part time as a bartender. Mother is fighting to keep the daughter there with her simply because. Her parents are footing the atty's bill in helping her fight her case. MOther is collecting SSI for the disabled child plus collecting Child Support.

I've always been under the impression that SSI only applies when the parents do meet a certain income bracket establish by Social Security Administration.

Money is not the main issue here. The main issue is the father and his wife would like the child to go to school here in the city where accommodations are provided to help her catch up on her academic levels plus they live less than 10 mins from Childrens hospital. They are offering one weekend a month and the whole summer with their mother.

It is observed that mother likes the attention from doctors and medical staff whenever taking her daughter for a work up. Whats more problematic, mother pulls her other daughter out of school (girls are twins) to tag along for medical stuff as well because the drive from where they live to the hospital is approximately 45 minute to one hour. The twin is missing school.

Father wants to stabilize the girls during academic periods, otherwise has no problem with the mother spending time with the girls. Father and his wife feel they can provide the tutoring and assistance they need during school year whereas their mother does not help with homework, does not advocate for the child, acts all pitying for the disabled child.

I am going off track here.. sorry. My main question was and is: can a parent collect SSI and Child support the same time?

Legal Editor
11-18-2007, 06:40 AM
It depends upon the income levels and amount of child support involved as to whether or not SSI guidelines are met.

Legal Editor

Sage3
11-19-2007, 07:02 AM
Hmmm, maybe the mom is fighting a custody change because she * actually likes* raising her daughters?!? Does the ex want only the twin with the medical problems to live with him or is he trying to take both daughters away from their mom? Regardless, if I were the mom, I'd be fighting it too. I can't imagine the father expecting the mom to just say 'ok... you can have the kids... whatever'!

BriarRose
11-19-2007, 07:53 AM
"Mother is fighting to keep the daughter there with her simply because." How exactly is it you know her motivation?

kara.
11-19-2007, 09:16 AM
Pheobe-from everything you've read here, I'd really try to stay out of this one. Of course you sympathize with your friends...leave it at that. Raising a child between divorced parents is hard withough any disabilities or illness involved. You don't know the mother involved or the complexities with their daughter's care. She may or may not be the world's greatest mother but not seeing her child except for one weekend a month and summers might be reason enough for anyone to object. And having the father's new wife so involved in this is another red flag.

lexicon
11-19-2007, 12:11 PM
ditto all above. Why would the child receiving SSI and child support be a concerning factor?

Phoebe
11-19-2007, 12:53 PM
I mean to ask the question and went on and on. However, I do know the mother unfortunately. She does not have her children's best interest at heart, especially with the disabled daughter. She refuses to help her with homework. She does not advocate for her daughter. Her daughter is very delayed in reading and writing compared to her non disabled twin sister. Mom likes the attention she gets from the hospital staff when she takes her daughter there for medical reasons. It isn't about her daughter, trust me.

She is very dependent on her parents to do everything for her, from babysitting to paying bills, etc.

The father just wants to ensure his disabled daughter get the proper education she so deserves and wants to ensure proper medical care as well. Interesting enough, this is a joint custody and yet, the Mom refuses to call the father about her medical appts, what is going on and what she needs. I have joint custody with a so/so guy but I report everything back to him and vice versa.

Really, this isn't about denying the mother her time with the kids. They are offering plenty of that. The father would like the daughter(s) to stay with him during the school week so they can provide tutoring, assistance, and medical care. They have offered everything else such as weekends and the whole summer. Believe me, they are very selfless people, its the daughter they care about. I know the daughter, trust me, she is very delayed for a 11 year old girl. She is reading at 2nd grade level, prefers toddler's shows (backyardians, curious george, blues clues), her reading and writing is very poor. She also has a hearing loss and needs to be put in an educational enviornment that will amplified sounds and use sign language with her. Its bad enough that she gets pulled out of school for medical care that is 45 minutes away from home whereas at Dad's house, its only 10 minutes.

Sorry, I am not wrong in this case. I do see the case for what it really is. The mother's lawyer quit on her because her demands were unrealistic. She has dragged on the case and refused suggestions by mediation and GAL.

Oh, and what is wrong with the FATHER taking care of his daughter? He is very educated, has a good job, and has the means to help the daughter enhance her quality of life. If that is not good enough for you, I don't know what is?

kara.
11-19-2007, 03:02 PM
Well, if it's that clear and obvious that being with her father for more time is a benefit, why don't your friends (the father and his new wife) get more generous/realistic about the time they are offering the mother (one weekend a month is a huge insult and loss of time and unacceptable I'm sure to lots of parents), and also not go digging into whether she should be getting SSI and CS if it's not about the money? Either it is or it isn't about the money.

The mother may have issues, but not sure being somewhat closer to a hospital is a long term change of custody issue. Also, who moved? What about the other daughter? And why didn't dad get primary custody before if he's the better parent and willing to "do the time"?

Phoebe
11-20-2007, 03:43 AM
Kara,

I don't know all the fine details of this situation. I do know that when the girls were born, it was naturally assumed that the girls would stay with their Mom. This was before medical problems started occurring. As the girls grew, the medical problems got worse. Father has been fighting to change custody for two years. They have documented every visitation they get, she gets, every email that comes to that house (she sends inappropriate emails). They have also documented "mis-communication" regarding her health. Imagine the father having to call the doctor or hospital to find out what the mother refuses to tell him? Her medical situation is very serious. Father and step mom have driven 45 minutes to pick up daughter for medical appts, drove all the way back to the city and driven her back home. That is almost 3 hours of driving time in one day when a mother couldn't take her daughter to the doctor. And I believe there have been discussion where the Mom wouldn't do what the doctor have asked of her in providing medical care.


I believe that the Mom moved back home to her parents when she saw she couldn't afford to live in the city. She works weekend at a bar. However, Children's hospital is right here in the city and the schools have more resources for the daughter in terms of disability needs.

I agree one weekend is not enough and I am sure mom will have more weekends and don't forget, when there is no school, I am sure Mom will see them more often. When Bermie has no school here, I often ask her Dad take her so they can spend time together.

The parents never married. This is more of a custody dispute over the daughter's health. You ask why is money a factor. Lets just say, he gets custody of her during the school year and focus on her medical needs. There will be out of pocket medical expenses. That is one considerations in terms of child support. Again, I am not privy to all the details in this case. I do know the mom and if I were to play judge, I would award the father and his wife custody of the girls during the school year.

Mother's issues is jepardizing the daughter's health. I wouldn't want that over my head. She has almost died a few times. Nothing here about withholding or having sole custody. Just during the school year.

carolynjune
11-21-2007, 09:28 PM
if the child gets SSI, the child also has Medicaid which pays all of her
medical bills.

Tiddly
11-21-2007, 09:57 PM
If the mother is causing harm, deadly harm to one child, I'm sure they will take both children away from her. Has the Father reported her?

If it is just that the father and step mother want that one disabled child I have a problem with that. If she is abusive and negligent she should not have either child.

lizzie
11-22-2007, 12:07 AM
I mean to ask the question and went on and on. However, I do know the mother unfortunately. She does not have her children's best interest at heart, especially with the disabled daughter. She refuses to help her with homework. She does not advocate for her daughter. Her daughter is very delayed in reading and writing compared to her non disabled twin sister. Mom likes the attention she gets from the hospital staff when she takes her daughter there for medical reasons. It isn't about her daughter, trust me.

She is very dependent on her parents to do everything for her, from babysitting to paying bills, etc.

The father just wants to ensure his disabled daughter get the proper education she so deserves and wants to ensure proper medical care as well. Interesting enough, this is a joint custody and yet, the Mom refuses to call the father about her medical appts, what is going on and what she needs. I have joint custody with a so/so guy but I report everything back to him and vice versa.

Really, this isn't about denying the mother her time with the kids. They are offering plenty of that. The father would like the daughter(s) to stay with him during the school week so they can provide tutoring, assistance, and medical care. They have offered everything else such as weekends and the whole summer. Believe me, they are very selfless people, its the daughter they care about. I know the daughter, trust me, she is very delayed for a 11 year old girl. She is reading at 2nd grade level, prefers toddler's shows (backyardians, curious george, blues clues), her reading and writing is very poor. She also has a hearing loss and needs to be put in an educational enviornment that will amplified sounds and use sign language with her. Its bad enough that she gets pulled out of school for medical care that is 45 minutes away from home whereas at Dad's house, its only 10 minutes.

Sorry, I am not wrong in this case. I do see the case for what it really is. The mother's lawyer quit on her because her demands were unrealistic. She has dragged on the case and refused suggestions by mediation and GAL.

Oh, and what is wrong with the FATHER taking care of his daughter? He is very educated, has a good job, and has the means to help the daughter enhance her quality of life. If that is not good enough for you, I don't know what is?

Exactly how did this harridan get custody of the children? Phoebe, I'm sure that you like this couple, but really their actions are not pristine at all. They ARE trying to take this child away from her mother. Once a month? Give me a break. I get very, very suspicious when the parent with custody is a terrible horrible person. That just doesn't happen often. Generally one parent just doesn't give up custody to the other if he/she is a bad parent. And if the parent didn't give custody to the other, then a court declared it.

Phoebe
11-22-2007, 12:26 AM
Lizzie, mea cupla, I spoke out of place when I said once a month. Knowing them and as I have stated before, they are not looking to take away the kids from their mother. If anything, they support the girls relationship with their mother, however, feels that the disabled daughter deserves more than what she is providing for her. The mother is barely meeting her needs. The child needs a lot more. Right now, the mother insists that the father sees the girls once a month now. And she works weekends.

I don't think the mother is a terrible/horrible person. She is just not altogether there. I am sure she loves her daughters but doesn't have enough smarts to meet her needs. For example, one daughter is delayed education wise, mother never helps her with homework. Why not? You bet, I put my nose in Bermie's homework everyday to ensure she does her work and understands what she learned for the day.

If they change custody, I am assuming both girls will be together at all times. You cannot separate the twins. One twin is growing normally and thriving very well. The other twin stopped growing. She is very short and small for her size. Her body requires brace (which mom doesn't reinforce). She has a hearing loss and is in need of more assistance related to communication. She is going for hormone therapy now which probably has side effects. The medical needs are alot and probably overwhelming for the mother. Knowing her as I do, she isn't following up on things for the daughter. Also being delayed in school and having teachers pass her up just because is wrong. I know that because I've experience that myself. I remember not doing well in one class but I've passed. Teachers don't really know what to do with me. Its the same for her.

Caroljune, good point about the medicare. I know that the father has health insurance.

The bottom line is not what is best for the parents or who is a "bad" parent. The question is, what is best for the disabled child. And I do apologize for not writing this very well as I am not at explaining what I mean at times.

lexicon
11-22-2007, 02:04 AM
Why do people get so involved in other people's situations? I'm guessing this incapable mother moved in with her parents to be better able to help the daughter.

Phoebe how would you like someone looking at your situation because you have a hearing challenge and suggest you're not up to the task?

If the daughter is suffering so much, have you ever thought of helping the mom instead of picking her apart?

Phoebe
11-22-2007, 01:24 PM
Lexi,

The mother is refusing the help that she needs to provide her child. She has been informed. I am not involved. I am just listening to the situation and the question was presented, can a parent collect child support and SSi the same time? I was curious and snowballed with this one.

I am not exactly sure why people are jumping at this case. Can't we give the father the benefit of the doubt that he wants whats best for his child who has a disability?

And Lexi, unfortunately, there are parents who cannot meet their children's needs. We need to consider that there parents like this. Several DOLers have expressed having an ex similar to this. I am not sure why your blasting me for presenting an interesting case here.

Whatever, Happy Thanksgiving.. I am outta here!

lexicon
11-22-2007, 02:09 PM
"can a parent collect child support and SSi the same time? I was curious and snowballed with this one".

Phoebe, of someone is receiving SSI, it's probably because they have a disability, or they are of a certain age to receive it. Why would you care?

"I am not sure why your (you're) blasting me for presenting an interesting case here."

Interesting case? Define interesting. As a mother with a hearing disability and all the problems you go through, who are you to point fingers?

4Wardmarch
11-22-2007, 05:24 PM
If it's that clear and the mother is that bad for the child, then it will be that clear to the judge and he'll order a change in custody.

I personally don't think the 45 minute trek to get medical care is that big a deal. And I am also skeptical when the custodial parent is painted as being horrible. The nonhandicapped child is thriving, right? Well, she can't be that bad of a mother, even if she doesn't manage her affairs to suit her ex husband. Interestingly, seeking medical care for the other daughter is seen as being self serving. It is likely the mother and her supporters see it as devoted and caring.

I don't think this is something you should be bothering yourself with, Phoebe.

lizzie
11-22-2007, 07:49 PM
Phoebe, I don't know why anyone else reacts so strongly to this, but I'll tell you why I do.

The mother doesn't do homework with the handicapped child. So what? Children are SUPPOSED to do homework by themselves. If that is the biggest complaint, they don't have a case. Which leads to...

They've been suing the mother for custody for TWO FRIGGING YEARS on the basis of things that don't show that the mother is bad for the children. They seem to think that they'd be better. So it's the old stepmother/father gang-up this time against a mother with TWINS, one of whom is handicapped. You haven't said a single thing that indicates that the mother doesn't care for and love her children. I guess enough people have been stung by this to react emotionally.

And again nobody seems to think the children aren't being well cared for. The mother takes her to the doctor (but that is sloughed of as she does it get to ATTENTION for HERSELF - WHAT???). She feeds them. She apparently has found housing with her parents. Why are these people torturing her.

lexicon
11-23-2007, 12:38 AM
The situation may be worse than we know, or not nearly as bad as we're reading. That said, this story bothers me because I am a mother. If someone came along and claimed I wasn't doing a perfect enough job by some standards,...I might be inclined to agreeStill, I can say without a doubt that my first and foremost priority is my children, securing income to support them in the best lifestyle I can, abd burture their lives scholastically. No-one can accurately say that I'n BOT doing the best I can, and whole lot better than a lot of mothers I see. Even for those mothers who aren't doing their best I realize that life throws hurdles. We never know what someone elses burdens may be, until we walk in their shoes.

I seek to judge not less ye be judged.

Phoebe
11-23-2007, 08:37 AM
I apologize for rubbing people the wrong way here. I am a mother and I have a disability so I do feel for the child.

It seems nothing I can say will smooth things over here so have a nice day.

BriarRose
11-23-2007, 11:39 AM
"I am not exactly sure why people are jumping at this case" Simple. Most of us know that every case is 99.999999999% 6 of one and half a dozen of the other and we know you Phoebe.

No need to apologize and it is not your job to smooth over anything.

pyrite
03-27-2008, 08:21 PM
Simple answer - Yes