Prayers for Dad

[ghead1]

Been waiting to hear the result of my dad's latest bone scan... just got a preview, and it doesn't sound good. mr ghead just talked to mom when she stopped by to pick up their dog, and he doesn't have details, but...

history: nearly 6 years ago, my dad went through 2 weeks of steadily worsening pain. Suddenly, he lost function below the rib cage. He was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, treated with radiation and physical therapy, and came home after spending all summer in a rehab hospital. He's been in a wheelchair ever since.

The last several months, he has been complaining of more and more pain. His oncologist said the cancer was back, only more diffuse. He saw the onc. today for the bone scan, and it sounds (from what mom told husband) like he may have several more tumors throughout the neck and chest area. He has said before he won't do anymore treatment...

So, if you're so inclined, I'd ask for a prayer for some relief for dad, and strength for the whole family. His pain has been constant, and perhaps now he'll consider some pain treatment. Up til now, he kept insisting he just need the chiropracter.

thanks. I know how powerful the souls are here on DOL.

[Jigsaw]

sending prayers your way...

[SeptMorn]

ooohhh ghead i am soooo sorry (((hugs and prayers)))

[ejmuller]

You got it, ghead. Prayers and positive thoughts coming your way and for your dad.

[willowtree]

I'm so sorry, ghead. Of course you've got my prayers for as long as they're needed. Hugs to gdad and family

[Bluefish]

Ditto willow. Prayers up...

All the best, ghead.

[Himself]

So sorry to hear this . . . will be thinking of you and your Dad and praying for whatever relief he may find in a very difficult time.

[OnSolidPath]

From our home to yours and your father's --Our warmest thoughts and prayers. ((ghead))

[OnSolidPath]

Also, you may wish to encourage him to seek treatment a lot has happened in medicine in 6 years. {{ghead}}

[ghead1]

thank you all for your kind words.

I'm waiting til I get off work to just go see my folks, they live a few blocks from my office. did just talk to my sis, who talked to mom, and it sounds like there may be limited info available... mom is so worn out from caring for dad, and it sounds like she either didn't get much from the dr, or forgot it already. I offered to go with them this morning, but she said no they were doing OK today. But I should have known that she wouldn't quiz the dr hard enough (is that judgemental?)... and apparently my dad was in one of his "moods" and didn't let mom talk much. I should have just gone, I knew it then, and now i"m sure of it.

dr offered radiation and a biopsy (again) but dad said no.

and my sister is being, well, herself... telling me how she has just emotionally disconnected herself from the folks because, well, they emotionally disconnected first...

IOW, business as usual in my family. Let's all see just how dysfunctional we can be. It seems like a contest sometimes.

[2ndWind]

So sorry to hear this, ghead. And I'm sorry to hear about how your sister is behaving...illness can bring out the worst anxiety in a family and sometimes we are not ourselves. Prayers to all of you and hope your mother finds some time for rest as well.

[mumsie]

Prayers and warm wishes for all who love dad, ghead.

[CheroCreek]

Prayer songs are rising for you, your dad and your family, Ghead.

[Tuffy]

Sorry to hear about all of this, I'll be thinking of you all.

[radar2]

Prayers are going up, for all of you.

[moogg]

awww, ghead. Prayers and good wishes for your dad's comfort and strength for those of you seeing him through this.

[poolman]

Sorry to hear that ghead. Praying your Dad does OK.

[cherryblossom]

I'm so sorry, ghead. :( I'll pray for your dad, no question.

[still mamom]

My thoughts are with you and your family; I hope you can all find some peace in this difficult time.

[Phoebe]

ghead, my grandmother has this. She is 91 years old, she was diagnosed with this about 5 years ago. This is a very painful thing to live with. My grandma talks of death often and is very angry that God hasn't brought her home yet. She is duped up on pain meds right now so there are times when she doesn't seem to be aware of what is going on or she will call me by a different name.

I know exactly what your going through. I wish your Dad a lot of peace and comfort this. ((HUGS))

[zuzuzu]

ghead, prayers are rising.....
Try to guard your own emotional and physical health in this difficult time. The actions of others can sometimes drain us as well, which ends up helping nobody.

Whatever happens in the long run, has the thought of respite care for your mom come up? Having a non-family member provide a break for the primary caregiver can sometimes take some of the burden off. Whether long- or short-term. Just a thought ....

Let us know how we can help. Did you know we can now use private messages?? ; )

[SeptMorn]

Also, you may wish to encourage him to seek treatment a lot has happened in medicine in 6 years. {{ghead}}

I do agree that if there has been improvements in treatment, its at least worth gentle encouragement to reconsider treatment. Or provide additional information that you can hope will change their minds.

It is dishearting though if they eventually refuse your most enlightened arguments. In a similar but different situation, my dad has also refused treatments that would improve his mobility and his independance. And I found that all I could do was just love him. My sister has taken the gestapo approach, and that breaks my heart too. Since he's not willing to do the surgery, she has placed a lot of restrictions on what he can and cant do which cased me to buy the largest gift basket at hickory farms at christmastime... :) which i know isn't helpful either
:o

[OneMoreTry]

I am so sorry to hear this ghead. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family during such a difficult time.

Is there any chance you could call the Dr. directly to see what you can find out? I know with the changes in law, the Dr. may not be able to give you much information but it may be worth a shot.

Take care of yourself!!

[standingstill]

((((ghead)))) Sending some prayer for you.

[ghead1]

you guys are awesome. I feel like I've been a bit of a whiner of late, and you're the poor recipients. I found myself thinking last night: "how's PW's mom, how's Sept's dad, how's LB's mom, and willow's mom?" so many people here going through the same things.

zuzu, yes, we've talked about getting someone in to help care for dad... but first mom tried to just make him be more independent. It helped some, he can manage many of his own needs if he has to, he just hadn't had to yet.

I will look into some of the treatment ideas mentioned, but dad just smiled and shook his head when I asked about pain meds yesterday. Not sure if he considers it a sign of weakness or just doesn't care. When he first got the cancer her spent weeks on a lot of morphine, and it really screwed with his mind. He also spent weeks begging us to help him commit suicide and never has really forgiven us for not complying. But he may fear a return of that kind of mindset, and I don't blame him.

as for my sister... she's entitled to her opinion. I'm entitled to think she's being a jerk. However, she has been to many more appts with the folks with this dr, and he has released info to her before. Maybe once she gets over her current feelings she'll call him and ask for some details on the bone scan.

thank you all again.

[iamunique]

(((ghead))) Special prayers are up for your father and you.

[magic-cat]

This is called "whining" to be concerned for someone you love? ((((ghead))))

Prayers for him, and prayers for you too.

[Tiddly]

Prayers for your Daddy. I am so sorry! I hope he will get some relief from the pain and not suffer. God bless you all.

[ejmuller]

ghead, you are so NOT a whiner. Don't even go there. I've been through this with both of my parents. You really need to let it out somewhere or it can eat you up.

(I love being able to add formatting!)

[SeptMorn]

you guys are awesome. I feel like I've been a bit of a whiner of late, and you're the poor recipients. I found myself thinking last night: "how's PW's mom, how's Sept's dad, how's LB's mom, and willow's mom?" so many people here going through the same things.



You know ghead, that because a lot of people here have been through this, we are an excellent resource for when you need to let it out. Its tough. Dealing with sick parents. Its one of those nearly universal themes that you have to face when you get older.

Lord knows dispite the fact I am really very pleasant to my sister (even if its hard to believe), I want to smack her upside her head often. I can't keep all that in I'd explode :) I sure wouldn't want you to explode (((hugs)))

[willowtree]

I will look into some of the treatment ideas mentioned, but dad just smiled and shook his head when I asked about pain meds yesterday. Not sure if he considers it a sign of weakness or just doesn't care.

Ghead, is it possible that he has come to terms with his life and his eventual passing, moreso than his family around him? Does he have a strong belief system? If so, maybe he is more afraid of existing either in pain or an "altered" state than the alternative?

I'll keep him in my prayers, along with your family, for his health - but mostly for peace and comfort for your family that you can accept whatever decisions he makes as what is best for him

[poolman]

I've told this story before but it still means a lot to me.

When I was in 6th grade my dad had his first of four heart attacks. We went to see him in the ICU. He was pale as could be but noticed my concern. I was scared to death and he could tell so he said "hey poolboy watch this as he waved his arms up and down. Look how those red numbers on that little machine with all the wires go up so fast."

It's been 20 years and I still miss him.

Thinking of you (ghead)

[Rocky]

prayers....of course...and an extra ((((ghead)))) for you.

[ghead1]

oh poolman, you always make me smile :-)

willow, thanks for your note. Unfortunately dad has no belief system, he ridicules religion. I guess what he don't know can't hurt him. My sister is very involved in organized religion, and she used to argue with him a lot. My belief system is pretty simple... God is. How can you look around and not think God is everywhere? So, when I say aomething like "I'm praying for..." and he scoffs, I just tell him, well, you never know.

After talking with mom, I think it is less that he has come to terms with his health, but that he is afraid of what he is facing, but is incapable of accepting comfort, and turns his fear outwards. Maybe that's just mumbo-jumbo, but he has gotten quite ornery (ornerier) lately, and she is at times afraid of what he might do.

At least I think we have mom understadning that we support her in trying to deal with dad, and I hope she will reach out more in hopes of preserving her own health.

[Lightnbug]

((((((ghead))))))

I cannot say what's in my mind and heart reading about this. Please know that I'll keep ya'll in my thoughts and prayers.

[gypsiLia]

ghead, I am sorry to see you are going through this. You and your family are in my thoughts.

[poppy]

(((((((ghead))))))))

I'll add my prayers.