Younger Men and Older Men

[Ms-Moosenew]

A friend and I were talking the other day... seems like guys "our age" aren't interested in women "our age." The guys that ARE interested are either a lot younger or a lot older.

We're wondering if that's because guys our age are either married or recently single, so therefore looking for that affirmation that they're still young (i.e., midlife crisis)?

I don't want to hang out with a guy that's 20 years younger--nothing in common! What's wrong with some mid-40's man dating a mid-40s woman? Hey, we can still look mighty fine! And we're a heck of a lot smarter than we were at 20-something! :cool:

[BriarRose]

It’s just a basic reality of human nature. Women are more realistic than men. Most woman also realize when it is time to stop having babies, they have them which makes that a tad easier. I am amazed at how many men over 50 think they might want more children. Lololol Men also do not see their bodies in a real sense. I really think they have some distorted view in mirrors. They really do think they look like they did when they were 25. They however also own the world and money buys young women. A wallet is VERY attractive. Poor old men don’t attract young women.

That said, younger men can be interested in older women. Some want a sugar momma like the young women want a sugar daddy. Not exactly shocking. Some have heard silly stories of how we are better at sex and some are smart enough to know that we are grateful. WE ARE! I cant say that I have ever seem a man interested in a woman OLDER than he is though. I suppose there is one out there.

Really it just comes down to what either sex has to offer a potential partner. Barbie, 42, is dating yet another 22 year old man. She offers a better body than most 22 year old women and a attitude like most in their 20s. A rich man has a lot to offer a young woman. I see plenty dating people their own age. The difference is they have something to offer. A 45 year old housewife with kids and no real career has little to offer to a 60 year old a 45 year old or a 20 year old. It’s just reality.

Be honest do YOU want a man with nothing to offer? I have met a lot of those and believe me they LOVE older women. As long as women let themselves get into the situations they are in as divorcees they will be in this predicament.

[magic-cat]

Ms.Moose, I guess only men can give you an answer to some of your questions. We can all speculate, and we women might even have some ideas that would clue the men into why they might be making the choices they make. But ultimately, we can only answer for our own choices, right?

Having said that, I'll state again here that I'm married to a man in his late twenties, (I'm 45). We've been together almost four years now, and it's better than heaven.

<<<I don't want to hang out with a guy that's 20 years younger--nothing in common! >>>

Whether twenty years younger or twenty years older, don't kid yourself. You might find you have as much in common with a 60 year old as you do with a 40 year old, or you might find yourself more in tune with a 20 year old (gulp!).

I know that when Mr. Amazing and I got together, dating a younger man was the last thing on my mind. I wasn't looking for one, I thought it was probably a little foolhardy at best and downright stupid at worst. He wasn't looking for an older woman, and would tell you straight out that under other circumstances, he probably wouldn't have given an older woman a second glance.

But we... he and I... worked. We clicked, we bonded, it was almost effortless, (although I kept hitting the brakes, because I'm just that cautious), and right from the start "we" seemed almost inevitable. We match on every level. Maybe this is because he's steady and mature for his age, and (as my own dad laughed and told him when he asked for my hand in marriage) I need someone young enough and adventurous enough to keep up with me.

I guess the same theory would apply to older men as well -- some of them are ready for the rocking chair and some of them are just revving their engines. But one thing is certain, young or old, there is no rule for how any of us should act or behave or how fast or slow we should go. That's up to the individuals. Finding the perfect match is also up to the individuals. Just be sure you don't slam and lock the doors because of some perceived notion that a certain age range cannot work.

Now, as far as why men in their forties don't seem to want to be with women in their forties? Yes, you may have a point that they've just divorced women in that age group and are gun shy. But I think it has something to do with intimidation.

Face it, we women sort of come into ourselves in our forties. We can call a spade a spade, we can support ourselves, and we've regained the freedom some of us gave up when we had kids. We are a mighty force, and we don't mind telling people about it.

If I had to date one of us, I would either be terrified at the prospect of being run over, or utterly delighted to meet someone who no longer needs my validation to exist and to succeed. ;)

[magic-cat]

Briar, you make a lot of good points, but your natural cynicism seems to have clouded some things, including the fact that you seem to be basing what you say on your opinions of your "friend" Barbie's choices and life. She dates 22 year old losers? So what? Maybe she's just got pathetic taste in men. Period.

But they aren't indicative of the majority of twenty-something males any more than pederast priests are indicative of all Catholics.

A younger man doesn't necessarily have to have "nothing to offer" when looking for an older woman. Mine is educated, earns a far better living that I do, is handsome, funny, kind and on his way up in the world. He accepted a forty-something woman and her FOUR kids, including the house fixing up problems, college tuitions, and vet bills. Believe me when I say he could have had a lot more fun and freedom if he'd chosen not to marry me.

[Phoebe]

Interesting Magic Cat. This person I know, she was going through her third divorce when I met her. She vowed never get married again. She was so broken up about getting a divorced (her husband was not stable, he had mental health issues and asked for the divorce).

She went to a party hosted by her friend who is a lesbian. Therefore she assumed everyone who attended the party was gay. While she was dancing, she met this guy and said.. wow, your so cute, too bad your gay!! This guy said to her, I am not gay. He was about 20 years younger than her.

This was 7 years ago. The last news I heard, she married him a year ago. Not all relationships with 10, 15, 20 year difference are cut and dry.

[magic-cat]

Phoebes, it's funny the things we notice when our own lives change.

Before I met Mr. Amazing, I wasn't really aware of any older woman/younger man couples outside of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.

Since that time, I find that I know of four other couples right here in my quiet little mountain town with at least a twenty year age span... older woman, younger man.

One couple has been together for 23 years. One couple has been together for 18 years. One couple has been together for 13 years. One couple has been together 20 years this summer. They're all as happily married as any happily married people I've ever known.

None of them worry about the age difference. They're happy, they're in love, and that's what matters to them. They have raised children together. They have created businesses. They do every single thing that "normal" (ha!) couples do. They're all realistic and well grounded.

So in a world where the average marriage lasts about 3 years, I would say they're doing great.

And when people snark at older women/younger men couples and say, "I give it five years tops," all I can think is, "Fantastic! That's two years longer than 'ordinary' couples."

[Theo!]

It’s just a basic reality...Women are more realistic than men.

It's your perception, not necessarily a reality. My experience has been somewhat different.

[cherryblossom]

That said, younger men can be interested in older women. Some want a sugar momma like the young women want a sugar daddy. Not exactly shocking. Some have heard silly stories of how we are better at sex and some are smart enough to know that we are grateful. WE ARE! I cant say that I have ever seem a man interested in a woman OLDER than he is though. I suppose there is one out there.

Briar, in most cases older women ARE better at sex. Women in their late 30's to 40's really enjoy sex because of hormonal changes. I would say in most cases, we are better at it because we are experienced and we are more comfortable with our bodies, but most of all because the hormone thing causes us to be very, very amorous concerning sex. Being in your 40's, having you experienced this?
:rolleyes:

[zirelda]

MMD and I are both in our 40's. He's 5 years older than I am but acts like he's 20 something. I like his energy. Not sure what he likes about me but I'm not too worried about it.

[CheroCreek]

I've known women who act the same as far as wanting only younger or older men. Perhaps this may be a bit more common in men than women but it is not something exclusive to men.

Just the other day a young, 20 something, girl asked me out for sex. Yep, she didn't beat about the bush. She flat out asked if I wanted her. I had to think of a kind way to let her know that I have been celibate for some time and have no desire to break that habit. She seemed to understand.

If I were to start dating again it would have to be with someone somewhere near my own age, give or take a few years. However, that is nothing that I am concerned about at this point in my life.

[Theo!]

It depends what you're looking for, and that changes with age and different life experiences. I tend to dislike dating anyone below 30, because I find women in their twenties to be unstable and ijn possession of unrealistic expectations of love, life and pretty much everything else. On the other hand, most women in their thirties seem to be very interested in marriage and kids, and I feel like I've been there and done that. I think the 40s are really gonna be my golden years!

[WrongAgain]

Hmmm... It seems I've been gravitating towards older men. AND I like it!:p Youngin' ain't got nothin' I want!

[SeptMorn]

My ex's first wife was 20 years older than him.

My ex was 15 years older than me, and that didn't work so well for me. He was very rigid his personality already completely formed. He had done everything already, the phrase "been there done that" was used far too often when discussing potential vacations that never materialized because he'd been there and wasn't willing to go again.

That and I was still maturing, I ended up being very different from when we had first met. I became career driven and confident my value structure still evolving and frankly he just held me back the old fuddyduddy ;)

[BriarRose]

cherry I am in my 50s and no I cant say that I enjoy it any different than I when I was 20, 30 or 40. Guess I am that exception.

[Tiddly]

magic, I think it is wonderful things worked out for you and your husband! It would be nice if we could all look past the age thing. I know I'd have a hard time though dating someone my sons' age..... it's just a 'TIDDLY' thing...for me though!

[zuzuzu]

Theo, I definitely agree with your persepctive on women in their 20s, 30s and 40s. I just turned 49 and feel more secure, independent and comfortable in my own skin than I ever have. I already have my kids and am financially secure; choosing a partner is all about companionship and pleasure at this point. What I want in a mate is quite different from what I thought I wanted and needed when I was younger.

My fiancee is almost 2 yrs younger than I am. The age is a non-issue; more important is who are as individuals and what we bring of *ourselves* to the relationship.

[mumsie]

I think this has more to do with life experience than age. There are "young" people who have wisdom and experience beyond their years and "old" people who have lived life in a such a way they haven't been exposed to much.

I've tended to be attracted to men slightly older than I am but who are in the "same place" I'm in at the time: in a similar job situation, kids in the same age range ,etc. because common experience seems to be the basis for so much. I've also learned that for me seeing how someone handles things like raising kids is VERY different from hearing how they did or they would.

I can't say I'd never have considered a relationship with someone much older or much younger but I'd like to think I have enough life experience to know what works for me.

[OnSolidPath]

Since I've signed up at Match - and thought I wanted to try dating again seems like the only guys e-mailing me lately are in the 63 to 65 range.

I'm open minded enough that I might be willing to check out the possibilities of a relationship with someone 13 -15 years older than I. But, when I go check their profiles they all seem to be looking for women 35 to 50. Something about a older man wanting a gal up to thirty years younger than himself (not *DOL's* Himself) just creeps me out--so I haven't responded to any of them.

Heck, I haven't responded or tried to contact anyone yet - wonder why I bothered- hmmm, I should save the $ and just cancel.:o

[cherryblossom]

Theo, I definitely agree with your persepctive on women in their 20s, 30s and 40s. I just turned 49 and feel more secure, independent and comfortable in my own skin than I ever have. I already have my kids and am financially secure; choosing a partner is all about companionship and pleasure at this point.

Zuzu, ditto, ditto, ditto! My experience has been the same as yours. I'm more at peace than I've ever been concerning who I am and where I'm headed. And I actually like my life.

What I want in a mate is quite different from what I thought I wanted and needed when I was younger.

The same here, but there are things I want and need that will never change, no matter how old I get: love, respect, trust, loyalty, companionship, good communication and good sex (I hope!);)

Hey, can I say that on here?:confused: Or was that a little too spicy?;)

[Ms-Moosenew]

"when I go check their profiles they all seem to be looking for women 35 to 50" -- oh yes! When I browsed Match I noticed that and it ticked me off! Here were some average and below-average men, with mediocre to low-paying jobs telling the world they want a woman that's 20 years younger than them! Ha! Give me a break! If it's true that older men's wallets and experiences are attractive to some younger women, then what in the world do these guys have to offer??? Their mirror MUST be different than my mirror!!!

[CheroCreek]

Hmmm... It seems I've been gravitating towards older men. AND I like it!:p Youngin' ain't got nothin' I want!

So, ypou're saying I may finally have a chance, WA?

;o):)

[BriarRose]

Magic the young men Barbie dates are not losers. They are usually handsome and smart young men who eventually move on to building their own lives, families and careers.

We just can’t blame men. We each decide what we want and what we offer in return. Often the two don’t balance well is all. Barbie’s dating age thing is deeper than just age and involve sexuality and SERIOUS body image issues so I admit she may not be a great example.

Interesting, here in Seattle there are many more men than there are women, unlike in most parts of the country where the ratio is in favor of the men. I see a great many younger men with older women. My own ex, who I met here, was younger than me. I think it is trendy and god knows Seattlites LIVE for trendy. I can live with that. I would consider down to 40 or so. Them considering me of course is laughable. I just loped off all the blonde and am so danged GREY!!!!! I asked Gorge if I look like an old hippy and she says, “ Mom you ARE an old hippy but you wear makeup and that makes all the difference.” Lol I love that child.

[cherryblossom]

I asked Gorge if I look like an old hippy and she says, “ Mom you ARE an old hippy but you wear makeup and that makes all the difference.” Lol I love that child.

She sounds like a special child indeed, Briar. And "George" is such a cool name/nickname. :)

As far as the grey, it's inevitable, of course. Just pick up a bottle of blonde hairdye at the drugstore and problem solved!;)

[Tuffy]

I've known a few older women/younger guy combos that seem to work out well. My co supervisor is a guy in his mid 30's and his wife is in her late 40's, they seem quite happy.

At this point in my life, I seem more interested in guys who like me are working and raising teens, I wouldn't be hung up on an age range of 5 or so years. I've talked to a couple nice guys who are a few years older who are now grandparents and retired, I can't seem to relate to them even though agewise, they are only 4-6 years older then me. I'm not to that point yet.

[BriarRose]

Nope, hair dye will never touch my head again. Nor will perm rods or whatever. I like it and two YOUNGER men told me I look younger. Funny about Seattle style. The contrived natural look and all gray an back and bruised colors only. When I lived in CA and NM I was told I did not look like a native yet I feel like it is taking a lot of work to get back what I left here years ago. I was never a blonde until I left here and I grew up in Snoose Junction where everyone was blonde. I think in a place full of natural blondes fake blonde just doesn’t cut it.

[cherryblossom]

I think in a place full of natural blondes fake blonde just doesn’t cut it.

I would agree with that. I'm not a blonde,natural or dyed and wouldn't want to be one. I'm a brunette and I like my natural hair color. What I will do is put in some hightlights when I want to accentuate my natural color a bit.

But, anyway...since this isn't a haircolor thread, back to the topic at hand.:)

[willowtree]

I've tended to be attracted to men slightly older than I am but who are in the "same place" I'm in at the time: in a similar job situation, kids in the same age range ,etc. because common experience seems to be the basis for so much.

Yes. That's exactly it for me too, I think. In the relatively short time I was dating, I wasn't really interested in guys who had no kids, or who had small kids and were juggling coparenting. I just wasn't "there". My kids were grown, I owned a house, I was more looking towards growing a nest egg and having some freedom of choices. Luckily, that's exactly where Manfred was as well. The common experiences of growing up around the same era (he's 4 yrs older), of having kids the same age, gave us a basis to build on.

Not to say it cannot work - obviously it does for magic-cat (who so "magically" got her name back!). It works for my sister, who married a guy 12 years her junior, while she had two teens. They now have a 4 yr old together. She's immature, he's "stodgy" for someone still in his 20's. But they work.

[OneMoreTry]

I think age is completely irrelevant. If you connect, you just simply connect and where does age play into that? My husband and I are basically the same age, and when I dated before meeting my husband the guys I dated were close in age as well. I didn't plan it that way, though. I would have no problem dating/marrying someone older or younger if we connect on other more important levels.

What does creep me out are the people who "purposely" search for someone a lot older or a lot younger, and would not consider anything else. When age plays such an important role to someone and becomes a criteria of sorts, that to me points to some sort of unresolved issues.

[moogg]

I think I am at a hard age personally to find a mate that is at my level. I want to have more children, I have a young child and all the men my age either want a women that they can start a brand new family with (aka: no baggage) or I attract men in their forties who have kids and don't want to make another family.

Hey, younger guys might be the ticket...;)

BTW, hair dye is my best friend...I refuse to have a head full of gray hair at 33 and that is what would happen if I did not dye it.

[poolman]

I always wanted a house full of children and still could but I am just too old to go through it again.

Find you a rich younger guy Moogg. :)

[cherryblossom]

moogg, you're a little young for grey hair, aren't you?:rolleyes:

Anyway, I think with men, each age group has its advantages. I like the stability and wisdom of men my age and slightly older, and I like the energy and winsomeness of younger men. I don't too much older than myself; I don't want to give anyone a heart attack... ;)

There are generalities, but I believe when it comes down to it, it's the individual themselves and who they are that counts (i.e. character, personality, moral values). Whether they are in sync with you and what you want will make or break the relationship.

[moogg]

YES! It is young, imho...But, nethertheless they still come...:mad:

[Tuffy]

Moog, you are in same boat as two of my sisters. They both turned gray in their early 30's and have dyed their hair. (taking after my dad's side of the family who all turned gray young), while my other sister and I are lucky enough to just start turning gray in our 40's.

OMT, I'm going to agree with you about the searching for someone either much younger or older. I have a good female friend who won't consider guys her age because she feels she is so much younger then they are, and tries to pick up guys 10-15 years younger. It's not working well for her but she can't see that maybe she doesn't have in common with these younger guys what she thinks she has. I think her issue is, she doesn't realize she isn't 35-40 anymore, she is 50 and maybe she needs to just look at the guy, not the age.

[WrongAgain]

;) Chero, YOU always had a chance.

[lexicon]

Younger men,...older men>? I don't know. I like a lot of men for different reasons:D Foremost romantically,...there must be chemistry! Beyond attraction there has to be compatibility.

I'm 52 OMG! Still, I went "out" with some gf s and there are over 5,000 soldiers in town (woohoo). The one I end up chatting with is 21! hahah He and his comrades decide I'm around 34 lol (I must have been wearing good make-up :cool: The other "older" guys were looking,...it seems,...for younger chicks. I HAVE to say,...these are some of the finest soldiers,....polite, courteous.......UP for OUR TROOPS (Men and Women)!!!!!!!!!!

Guys aren't always sure what they want besides following their hard ons (apology up front) (I'm kidding Admin). Younger guys want ????? Guys in their 40s 50s want to be reminded they're still attractive, guys 60 and over want sex and compatibility. Can we really heneralize here?

I have always seemed to be attracted to older men. My ex husband is younger BUT I loved him and it wasn't age but chemistry, affection.

ps,...I seen pictures of chief chero...Hot in feathers!

[Southernbelle]

Age would not be a factor if the person I was interested in was really a good person. A young man would have to have his ducks in a row for me to be interested in too. I wouldn't want a partying young man who wouldn't work for instance. I have dated several guys younger than me and they all were very nice men.

Magic Cat, all I can say is way to go girlfriend. You are a beautiful person and Mr. Amazing is the lucky one.

[Legal Editor]

spam. eliminate it.

Legal Editor