How do you get rid of someone who won't go?... [Archive]

cherryblossom

03-07-2007, 10:23 PM

How do you get rid of someone who won’t go?…

There is this guy who I met on an online dating site, dated a few times and then it fizzled out. He chose to start dating others and eventually entered into a relationship which he is currently in. I was blown off. It was a rejection. I didn’t appreciate the way I was treated.

Anyway, to make a long story short, he’s been bugging me for months, asking for a friendship with me that I don’t want. At first, all he wanted to do was talk online. I got tired of that, and suggested that he talk more with his girlfriend. I explained to him that I didn’t really see us as friends because he never suggested that we get together in person although we live only 20 minutes apart. Apparently he didn’t get the message because he continued to send messages. Then I started ignoring him, his last 2 messages sent 2 weeks apart have also been ignored.

According to his latest message, he wants to get together and have coffee and "make a real frienship." I really don't see the point.

We don’t have anything in common accept a strong sexual chemistry. He made several attempts to make that happen, but it was too fast for me. He’s ten years younger, has a different group of friends, and I don’t feel we share enough of the same interests to be friends. In retrospect, because of all these things, I feel that dating him was also a mistake.

He just keeps coming. He has friends, he shouldn’t have to keep bugging me for friendship. Here is his latest message to me:

“Good morning. I thought i'd say hello this morning, and wish you a good day. How has your life been going? are things good? I should hope they are.
I know it was informal to just randomly write you, and ask how your life was, without actually seeing you in person. well perhaps we could have coffee, and talk about life, and make a real friendship. I was hoping things are ok, and we could share stories of recent life.
I’d appreciate your feedback.”

I’m sharing his message to show how persistent he‘s becoming. Again, I’ve already been rude and he hasn't stopped.

I could give the friendship a shot, but...I don't know. Why would a 27 year old man be so eager for the friendship of a woman 10 years older? A woman that treats him with disrespect?

I have my opinions on his motives, what’s yours? And what would be a kind way to end all communications?

OnSolidPath

03-07-2007, 11:02 PM

Ahh, cherry you are way smarter than that!

It's called permanent ignore. Anything recieved in the inbox? Delete without reading. When he's had enough of non-response? No more e-mails. Issue solved.

No need to be kind/mean/rude or anything else. Just feed the yak and disengage. No need to wonder about motives.

zuzuzu

03-08-2007, 08:11 AM

cherry, some guys like the challenge of a woman who is unavailable. Plain and simple. I suggest blocking his email and simply continuing to ignore him. If you want to make things absolutely clear, then send him an email saying that you hope he will respect your wishes that he no longer contact you. Then total silence must previal. If there is clearly no hope for him of conquest, then presumably he will find another target and put his energy elsewhere. Eventually he will go away if you represent neither a challenge nor a friend.

Tuffy

03-08-2007, 09:06 AM

Ditto on Zuzu.

You calmly say "no more" and then you don't respond to anything. You don't respond to pleading, whining, digs, etc.

I would say it took me about 6 months to convince my long time friend / ex boyfriend that I was no longer going to talk with him on any level once I started to ignore him after I told him I was done. I set up my email that I wouldn't get any of his incoming emails. I set his number on my quietest ring for my cell. The only problem I have is at work, if I'm at my desk I can screen the calls but if I pick up in other parts of the building, I can't. I would simply hang up when I heard his voice.

It can be done but you have to decide to do and you can't play any games once you decide to do it.

Theo!

03-08-2007, 09:07 AM

Nothing could be easier. Just ignore him. Add his e-mail address to your spam list so you never even have to see them.

At first ignoring someone can make them even more desperate for your attention, but eventually even the most tenacious clingers will give up. Just don't respond AT ALL. Responding even once after months of silence will put you right back at square one. It's amazing how little encouragement it takes.

cherryblossom

03-08-2007, 09:23 AM

I'm not understanding why he feels he needs and or wants my friendship.

Or does he want sex instead?...

zuzuzu

03-08-2007, 09:35 AM

cherry, it doesn't matter, does it? As long as you invest energy in trying to figure him out, you're still "engaged" with him. If you don't want him in your life, try deleting all thoughts of him. I know it is hard but it can be done.

I'm guessing that you haven't been as firm with him as you think, if you're sharing with us that your thoughts are still trying to find closure with this. When you're truly "done" in your own mind, I think you will find that your contact with him will also be over.

Theo!

03-08-2007, 10:06 AM

I'm not understanding why he feels he needs and or wants my friendship.

Or does he want sex instead?...

Yeah, the second thing. As a general rule, people aren't that desperate to befriend a specific person unless they have an ulterior motive. He definitely wants something, and sex is a safe bet.

Even if he did just want to be your friend, who needs a clingy, desperate friend like that?

Chaos

03-08-2007, 10:55 AM

I'm convinced that some people just don't have the capacity to get the message--I broke up with someone I'd really just like to forget I'd ever known the first week of July 2001--I haven't given him any reason to believe I'm even still alive in going on 4 years, but he still calls once in awhile and I still get Christmas cards telling me how often he thinks of me "fondly"--

I've had to come to the conclusion that all you can do with such people is to block their e-mails, not answer their calls, feel sorry that they're so unable to let go and move on and just try to forget about them in between--

Hopefully in your case this guy will get with the program sooner rather than later--C

Bluefish

03-08-2007, 11:50 AM

Make sure that in your heart of hearts you don't enjoy being chased, even if it's someone you don't care for.

Booktender

03-08-2007, 12:07 PM

Here's what you do.

1) Email him and say you'd rather not correspond anymore and ask him to please stop contacting you.

2) Block his address before he emails you again.

Problem solved.

As for this kid wanting an older woman? It's often a sexual fantasy. Other times they just think we'll be grateful and they'll have gotten their...uh...needs met.

Chaos

03-08-2007, 12:12 PM

Trust me, Blue, I don't find it at all flattering--For awhile there, his calls would reduce me to tears even when I didn't answer them because it was becoming apparent that he's never going to leave me alone--Those days are long since in the past, but it's no compliment that someone I've asked not to contact me ignores those repeated requests--

The fact is, when someone does that, they're just demonstrating that they have no respect for you--He couldn't care less about me or my needs or wishes--It's all about him and what he wants.......just as it always was--And of course, he doesn't grasp the fact.......or care, for that matter.......that that issue was the cause every other problem which led me to take a hike in the first place--C

zuzuzu

03-08-2007, 12:14 PM

blue, i was thinking something similar..... There are 2 egos at play here, potentially. His ego might be looking for the thrill of the chase, the sense of "power" to engage someone whom he wants to engage. Hers might potentially be the gratification of knowing someone wants her, in whatever form.

My personal view is that something *is* being gratified in these kinds of situations. Speaking for myself!

Bluefish

03-08-2007, 05:03 PM

cherry, you describe yourself as a "lovely woman" in your Public profile. Doth my lady protest too much about this guy chasing you?

Tuffy

03-08-2007, 07:01 PM

I'm not understanding why he feels he needs and or wants my friendship.

Or does he want sex instead?...

It doesn't matter at all.

And the fact that you are even wondering shows, you aren't ready to disengage, part of you still needs some sort of engagement. You may not want to admit it, but a little part of you is wondering.

You mention being rude, well being rude is still engaging with him. You are still giving him something for his action. You see it as a blow off, he sees it as a "see, I knew I could get her to come around."

To truly get rid of him, give him nothing, not even a thought of what he might want.

I went for months trying to get rid of the guy I got rid of but I was doing it all wrong. He would leave 5 messages in 20 minutes, I would pick up the phone on the 6th try to scream at him. I mean SCREAM at him. But, I rewarded him for his insane attempts to get in touch with me. He would call my work 3, 4, 5 times in a row, I would talk to him to tell him to stop. Again, another reward. Each time he worked harder and longer to get me to talk to him. And it just increased my problem. Cherry, you say you have your masters in psych, then you should be familiar with the concept of the behavior that is only rewarded sporadically will be harder to erase then one which is rewarded all the time, because the person who does the behavior could never count on when it would pay off, they just knew it paid off. So they will do the behavior over and over with out a seeming payoff because they have learned on the 6th, 9th, 13th or 25th time it pays off.

So, to solve your problem, ignore him, all the time no matter what the messages say.

If you want to feed your ego and have him half heartedly chase after you, then sometimes ignore him, sometimes reward him by responding, even rudely. I'm sure that game could play itself out for months.

cherryblossom

03-08-2007, 07:51 PM

Tuffy, this has already been going on for months now. He's like the energizer bunny... Although I didn't say what my Master's was in, I would say that with this young man there is definitely some mental issues at work here.

However, since he has stepped up his attempts and now wants to get together in person, I would say that he's ready to pursue sex with me. Sex almost happened between us, as I said in my opening post, that part of our attraction was very strong.

I'm going to have to admit, I'm tempted along those lines. He's a very good-looking young man. For that reason, a friendship with him is not a good idea. It would be a temptation for me, and I'm sure that's what he's counting on.

Tuffy

03-08-2007, 07:55 PM

So, in other words, you don't really want to get rid of him. Being tempted isn't part of getting rid of someone.

Maybe the mixed messages is what keeps him coming round.

cherryblossom

03-08-2007, 08:21 PM

Tuffy, I fail to see how me being tempted by him means that I want him in my life. I did like him at one point, but since things went south with us, there have been no mixed messages from me.

I'm tempted physically. But, the man I thought he was doesn't really exist. I ascertained that a long time ago. He wouldn't make a good partner for me in a relationship since he has displayed a marked immaturity in a lot of aspects. I'm already raising 2 young men and I'm not interested in a third child.:p

The only thing left for us at this point would be a just-for-sex relationship. And I'm sure he would be open to that, and even though I am between relationships, I'm not sure if that's what I want at this point in my life.

Tuffy

03-09-2007, 04:36 AM

So then we are back to, there is no problem here. If you don't want him in your life then you ignore him period. Don't play that game of every now and then responding rudely, that just lets him know you are paying attention and are still engaged in the game.

It doesn't matter what he wants or what you think he wants. It doesn't matter how frequently or infrequently he tries to contact you or by what means. The only way to get rid of someone like this who shows a periodic interest is to ignore him.

But, I do think you like him contacting you. You feel it show that you can tempt a young guy. You can keep him calling or emailing every now and then. You can tell other people "oh, this is such a problem" and let them know that even though you have done nothing, this young guy is somewhat interested in you. If it was really a problem, you wouldn't be tempted by him at all at this point. You would be so upset and annoyed by his actions to the point that his interest in you would mean nothing to you, his motives wouldn't be an issue.

zuzuzu

03-09-2007, 07:53 AM

I absolutely agree with tuffy here. I think it is gratifying to know that a "very" attractive young man wants to have sex with you. If you're still thinking about this in your own mind, believe me, he has picked up on it somehow!

When you are ready to end the contact, once and for all, then it will end. It really is up to you. It doesn't make any sense to wonder why *he* is contacting you, if you still think about him as well...... As noted above, even taking a call every couple of months is sufficient to dangle a tidbit for a man to chase. Really. It just makes the supposed, victory of winning the possible "prize" more tantalizing. That is not about you, of course, and whether you're *worth* the chase. It is about the hunter and *his* sense of feeling powerful and nailing the target.

zuzuzu

03-09-2007, 07:54 AM

This sense of conquest can apply equally to women chasing men, of course!

Bluefish

03-09-2007, 03:47 PM

I'm tempted physically. [...]

The only thing left for us at this point would be a just-for-sex relationship. And I'm sure he would be open to that, and even though I am between relationships, I'm not sure if that's what I want at this point in my life.

Well see, there you go. It's really not possible to separate what you think completely from how you feel. Since you still feel attracted to him at some level, you haven't cut the cord yet so to speak. In one way or another, you are almost bound to be communicating that to him and he will be get a sense that you feel that way and try to take advantage of it.

willowtree

03-09-2007, 04:22 PM

Man, I am getting such a sense a deja vu here.

cherryblossom

03-09-2007, 06:57 PM

As noted above, even taking a call every couple of months is sufficient to dangle a tidbit for a man to chase. Really. It just makes the supposed, victory of winning the possible "prize" more tantalizing.

Zuzu, but this individual has a girlfriend.:confused: So, tell me why a guy would be trying to score a prize of another woman-be it sex or whatever-when he has a girlfriend?

That is not about you, of course, and whether you're *worth* the chase. It is about the hunter and *his* sense of feeling powerful and nailing the target.

Are you telling me that this individual is THAT sick??:Now I'm getting angry!:mad:

cherryblossom

03-09-2007, 07:03 PM

Well see, there you go. It's really not possible to separate what you think completely from how you feel. Since you still feel attracted to him at some level, you haven't cut the cord yet so to speak. In one way or another, you are almost bound to be communicating that to him and he will be get a sense that you feel that way and try to take advantage of it.

Why, would he try to take advantage of it? As I said in my post, he has a gf. Also, it's only physical. I don't like him as a person. I truly believe his either a psycho or a sadist. Which is why I have ignored him.

Bluefish, good to see you are now posting to my personally. Keep it up, man.;)

Booktender

03-09-2007, 07:55 PM

Ah yes, he has a girlfriend.

Tell him to Go Away. Why on earth would you want to even touch a guy who would cheat on his girlfriend? ICK!

Booktender

03-09-2007, 07:57 PM

He is trying to do this because he is Not a Gentleman and, therefore, is Not an Appropriate Companion.

cherryblossom

03-09-2007, 09:14 PM

Ah yes, he has a girlfriend.

Tell him to Go Away. Why on earth would you want to even touch a guy who would cheat on his girlfriend? ICK!

Well, I guess no one on here thinks he wants that cup of coffee...;)

Here's something kinda creepy, I talked with him for about 1 1/2 months before we went out on our first date. During that time he began calling me "doll". I asked him where he got that name from and he told me it was his father's pet name for his mother. I kid you not.

moogg

03-09-2007, 09:46 PM

changed my mind about posting on this thread...

cherryblossom

03-09-2007, 11:18 PM

moogg, this guy lives in Escondido, and again, it has been going on for months!:mad:

2ndWind

03-10-2007, 08:33 AM

Willowtree, so am I, and I haven't even been here that long.

BriarRose

03-10-2007, 08:48 AM

Theo!

03-10-2007, 09:04 AM

Why, would he try to take advantage of it? As I said in my post, he has a gf. Also, it's only physical. I don't like him as a person. I truly believe his either a psycho or a sadist. Which is why I have ignored him.

Well, if you've been responding to to him at all he'll take it as a sign that you're still interested in keeping him on the line, even if you're just trying to be polite or tell him to buzz off. As long as he knows you know he exists, he'll continue.

SO713

03-10-2007, 09:37 AM

Hey Cherry,

You want to have your cake and eat it too!!!!!!!

You want to get rid of him (per your thread) and then you are tempted to him as well. Keep sending the mixed signals and you will never get rid of him.

He has a girlfriend!!!!!! SO WHAT???????? Is this a new concept???? For some it is NOT!!!

So, ball is in your court. You like being chased by a younger man, so quit complaining and whining. Either NO Response from you or just enjoy the quick roll in the hay. Your Choice.

SO713

03-10-2007, 09:38 AM

:confused: Hey Cherry,

You want to have your cake and eat it too!!!!!!!

You want to get rid of him (per your thread) and then you are tempted to him as well. Keep sending the mixed signals and you will never get rid of him.

He has a girlfriend!!!!!! SO WHAT???????? Is this a new concept???? For some it is NOT!!!

So, ball is in your court. You like being chased by a younger man, so quit complaining and whining. Either NO Response from you or just enjoy the quick roll in the hay. Your Choice.

Tuffy

03-10-2007, 09:44 AM

How do you get rid of someone who won’t go?…

Anyway, to make a long story short, he’s been bugging me for months, asking for a friendship with me that I don’t want. At first, all he wanted to do was talk online. I got tired of that, and suggested that he talk more with his girlfriend. I explained to him that I didn’t really see us as friends because he never suggested that we get together in person although we live only 20 minutes apart. Apparently he didn’t get the message because he continued to send messages. Then I started ignoring him, his last 2 messages sent 2 weeks apart have also been ignored.

According to his latest message, he wants to get together and have coffee and "make a real frienship." I really don't see the point.

To quote Julie Andrews "lets start at the very beginning"

You are giving mixed messages. Starting with the "I explained to him that I didn't really see us as friends because he never suggested that we get together in person although we live only 20 minutes apart". That isn't a brush off, that isn't rude, that is a statement that clearly says to the person getting the reply "we could be friends if only we saw each other". So, he invites you to coffee. He followed through with your direction to him, you may not have meant "I'll be your friend if we actually met in real life" but that is what the message you sent out.

But lets be honest here, he isn't putting a huge effort into this. He sends out an email now every 2 weeks per your post. So, ignore them. Ignore him, it looks like when he has the time he tosses out a little bait to see if he gets a nibble. I think you need to stop labeling him and his actions and clearly look at your own. I don't think you are as clear in your messages to him as you think you are. When you mean deep down inside "no, I'm not your friend", that needs to be your response right off the bat, not a message that gives a "I could be your friend if you only do this" response, which means you are still open to some engagement with him if only he would do what you suggest he do.

Lightnbug

03-10-2007, 09:48 AM

Man, I am getting such a sense a deja vu here.

Ya' think?

Anglolala

03-10-2007, 10:02 AM

As others have said, who cares what his motives are? Regardless, I would say it is anything but a compliment and is far more likely to just be about him. He is probably carrying on the same game with others and probably also has an ego which cannot bear to be rejected. Just don't feed him.

cherryblossom

03-10-2007, 10:35 AM

But lets be honest here, he isn't putting a huge effort into this. He sends out an email now every 2 weeks per your post.

Tuffy, maybe he doesn't want to look ridiculously desperate, as he's looking now. With each post, his tone becomes more desperate. I stopped seeing him in June of last year. That means it's been 8 months since he's been trying this stuff. I think it's been right around 2 weeks between his posts because he wants to see if I will respond to him before he has to post again. Pathetic.

SO713, I fail to understand how you know he only wants a quick roll in the hay? How do you know he doesn't want a continuing just-for-sex-relationship?

cherryblossom

03-10-2007, 10:51 AM

Wanting to have sex with more than one woman is not sick. Wanting something different from a relationship than what you want is not sick either. Continuing to pursue a relationship when the other party is still playing is also not sick. Being a hunter when your prey is still intrigued is not sick. It’s not being a psychopath.

I guess I'm pretty naive, Briar, because in my world a man that has to have another woman in bed AND his girlfriend, who by now probably loves and trusts him, is pretty sick. Well, maybe it's normal among young men these days, but I find it disgusting. I'm not surprised however.

SO713, another point to you about your "roll in the hay" comment. I told him very firmly I was not interested in casual sex. I told him I was interested in having an exclusive relationship. So, what? He's gonna try to meet for coffee and change my mind. Again, pathetic.

To all, I'm sure I was giving mixed signals at first because I liked him. But, he knew my position on relationships. Maybe that's why his tune has now changed to "maybe we can make a real friendship".

But, I haven't been giving mixed messages for quite some time now. The only signals I am aware I have been giving are those that are meant to convey to him that "I don't want to talk to you." I had hoped he would get the message by me ignoring him before I had to say it outright.

Booktender

03-10-2007, 11:13 AM

But have you said that sentance. Have you said to him directly: "I don't want to talk to you."

For some people, signals are not enough.

Booktender

03-10-2007, 11:16 AM

Let's cut to the chase. Is his behavior acceptable to you? Is his behavior respectful to you?

If the answer to either is No, then you must tell him directly "DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN."

willowtree

03-10-2007, 11:39 AM

But, I haven't been giving mixed messages for quite some time now. The only signals I am aware I have been giving are those that are meant to convey to him that "I don't want to talk to you." I had hoped he would get the message by me ignoring him before I had to say it outright.

"I'm talking to you to tell you I won't talk to you." is the very definition of "mixed message".

Rocky

03-10-2007, 11:41 AM

In general situations such as this a "I *won't* talk to you" will have more impact than "I don't want to talk to you". Then block the person sending the message. Or just block with no other contact. There's really no need to explain yourself. A individual's personal space is just that. You get to control it.

Tuffy

03-10-2007, 11:53 AM

Tuffy, maybe he doesn't want to look ridiculously desperate, as he's looking now. With each post, his tone becomes more desperate. I stopped seeing him in June of last year. That means it's been 8 months since he's been trying this stuff. I think it's been right around 2 weeks between his posts because he wants to see if I will respond to him before he has to post again. Pathetic.
?

The fact that you picked up on that sentence of my post to you first and foremost screams volumes about how this is feeding your ego and is lending itself to your mixed messages to him.

Quit the labeling of him. It doesn't matter. Who cares what his messages are, it doesn't matter. Why 8 months into this are you even reading them? The mere fact you are reading them means you aren't ready to totally end this yet, it's drawing you in somehow. It may be negative but it's drawing you in. You have to control your behavior and your messages, which at this point should be totally ignoring him if you truly don' want him to contact you.

moogg

03-10-2007, 12:10 PM

:eek: this IS Deja Vu

Booktender

03-10-2007, 01:26 PM

:eek: this IS Deja Vu

:eek: :eek:

(mandatory ten letter post)

cherryblossom

03-10-2007, 01:42 PM

Just some added information: I had already deleted his name and thus he had no way of contacting me.

He used another email addy to contact me and ask me to start talking to him again. This was before I had decided I was done. Now, I realize that was a mistake.

And I have no idea why the comments on here are getting contentious toward me. But, I'm not going to try and figure them out. I appreciate the helpful insight and advice I've been given thus far.

magic-cat

03-10-2007, 10:28 PM

Man, I am getting such a sense a deja vu here.

It's a two tune AM radio station, willow. Younger man wants sex, wants love, wants sex, won't give up, wants sex etc. Is there a little "I-feel-like-hurling" icon I can attach here?

Hey, "cherry", you get what you advertise for. Should be self-explanatory.

cherryblossom

03-10-2007, 10:32 PM

It's a two tune AM radio station, willow. Younger man wants sex, wants love, wants sex, won't give up, wants sex etc. Is there a little "I-feel-like-hurling" icon I can attach here?

Hey, "cherry", you get what you advertise for. Should be self-explanatory.

I didn't advertise for anything, Magic Cat. And if I did, how would you know it? Your attack isn't appropriate. Hopefully someone will realize that and take the appropriate action.

magic-cat

03-10-2007, 10:39 PM

:eek: this IS Deja Vu

Were you around for "KOKO"?

magic-cat

03-10-2007, 10:46 PM

How do you get rid of someone who won’t go?…

There is this guy who I met on an online dating site

We don’t have anything in common accept a strong sexual chemistry.

I could give the friendship a shot, but...I don't know. Why would a 27 year old man be so eager for the friendship of a woman 10 years older?

I have my opinions on his motives, what’s yours? And what would be a kind way to end all communications?

I didn't advertise for anything, Magic Cat. And if I did, how would you know it? Your attack isn't appropriate. Hopefully someone will realize that and take the appropriate action.

You advertised on an online dating site. You declare that there's "strong sexual chemistry". He's not drawing it out of a void if he keeps sniffing for more and it's clearly not a "relationship" he wants with you.

I would ask you to examine whether you're lying to yourself, him or us.

noregrets

03-10-2007, 10:49 PM

Man, I am getting such a sense a deja vu here.

Ya' think?

LOLOLOLOL.

cherryblossom

03-10-2007, 11:17 PM

It's a two tune AM radio station, willow. Younger man wants sex, wants love, wants sex, won't give up, wants sex etc. Is there a little "I-feel-like-hurling" icon I can attach here?

Hey, "cherry", you get what you advertise for. Should be self-explanatory.

Magic Cat, in looking at your above post, you start off by talking about how the "younger man wants sex,...then you finish that off by stating "you get what you advertise for". The implication/assumption is obvious, and it isn't very nice. Just because I met him on an online dating service and he wants sex, doesn't mean I "advertised" my sexuality.

You advertised on an online dating site. You declare that there's "strong sexual chemistry". He's not drawing it out of a void if he keeps sniffing for more and it's clearly not a "relationship" he wants with you.

I would ask you to examine whether you're lying to yourself, him or us.

We don't know if he wants a relationship from me, or if he does, what kind...but my bet is on a sexual one.

And I will challenge your above quote by saying, yes, he is drawing it out of a void at the present time. I am not encouraging his current behavior.

magic-cat

03-10-2007, 11:56 PM

He chose to start dating others and eventually entered into a relationship which he is currently in.

What part of that don't you understand? What part of that gives you any mixed signals at all?

However, since he has stepped up his attempts and now wants to get together in person, I would say that he's ready to pursue sex with me. Sex almost happened between us, as I said in my opening post, that part of our attraction was very strong.

I'm going to have to admit, I'm tempted along those lines.

Well, I guess no one on here thinks he wants that cup of coffee...;)

Again, I suggest you examine whether you're lying to yourself, him or us. Especially since you follow with:

We don't know if he wants a relationship from me, or if he does, what kind...but my bet is on a sexual one.

And I will challenge your above quote by saying, yes, he is drawing it out of a void at the present time. I am not encouraging his current behavior.

"I'm not encouraging his present behavior"???? Yes, you are. You're thriving on it. You're revelling in it. You've painted it on a flag and you're waving it around. Are you waiting for our applause or approval or envy?

And as for this part...

Magic Cat, in looking at your above post, you start off by talking about how the "younger man wants sex

I posted that to willow, who understands and remembers that the majority of your threads on the previous DOL were about the oodles of young men who were salivating over you --- unless you count the one you had to cast a spell on --- and how you just didn't know what to do with all the attention. "Woe is me, how will I ever deal with all this adoration? And by the way, come look at my bikini shots on MySpace..."

Uh-huh. So, is it to yourself, him, us, or all of the above?

moogg

03-11-2007, 12:05 AM

Go Cat Go!! :D

cherryblossom

03-11-2007, 12:12 AM

[QUOTE=magic-cat;1148] "I'm not encouraging his present behavior"???? Yes, you are. You're thriving on it. You're revelling in it. You've painted it on a flag and you're waving it around. Are you waiting for our applause or approval or envy?

Magic Cat, if you're envious, that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you.

As for the rest of your post, I don't understand how any of that has to do with my thread or my posts, so I won't comment.

magic-cat

03-11-2007, 12:20 AM

[QUOTE=magic-cat;1148]

Magic Cat, if you're envious, that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you.

HAHAHAHAHAH!!! OMG, you haven't changed one single, tiny, eensy weensy iota. Keep lookin' for envy, "cherry". Keep hoping. You are a laugh a minute.:p

magic-cat, over and out.

cherryblossom

03-11-2007, 12:20 AM

What part of that don't you understand? What part of that gives you any mixed signals at all?

I'll go ahead and answer this. The part that's giving me mixed signals is that he's now practically begging for my attention (read my opening post) and now my presence. But, it really isn't a mixed signal at all. He wants something and we all know what that is... Only time will tell if he wants something in addition to that.

I feel sorry for his gf though, as I expect the majority of other posters on here feel that same sentiment.

I had considered a friendship, but as of right now, I don't trust his motives in wanting to be friends-and I don't see that changing.

Theo!

03-11-2007, 12:46 AM

Don't stick around to let time tell anything. Just go cold turkey on the guy and completely ignore him until he fades away.

Tuffy

03-11-2007, 08:54 AM

Ok, again, lets bring this back to basics.

You don't know what he wants. And if you really truly want to get rid of him, you won't care what he wants. He could want to give you $100 and a puppy and you would still not want to talk to him or think about him.

This thread has gone from you asking how to get rid of someone, to coyly asking if we think he wants coffee or sex, to you calling him a psycho, to you being positive he wants sex and from you.

None of this matters. Nothing he thinks, says, does, wants matters at this point. What matters is you and how you think and act. If you want him gone, you have the power to make him gone. But, you have to really want him gone and I'll be honest with you, this is feeding your ego too much for you to let go. You are clearly invested in this. You are clearly invested in trying to prove to us that this guy in somehow uncontrollable with his actions because he is in lust with you.

Frankly this is nothing compared to what I had to deal with an ex boyfriend, this is nothing compared to many other women or men who had to get rid of someone. The email you reprinted doesn't sound crazed or "psycho" it sounds like a guy who understood you when you said "if we are real friends we see each other in real life" and made an offer. He correctly understood the message you gave him. He may have picked just one out of the many messages you gave him, but he understood it.

So, quit playing the victim here. Quit being defensive. The way I solved my problem with a guy I didn't want to be contacting with me anymore was I had to realize what I was doing to keep this up. Quit trying so hard to defend and explain your actions and look at them. Really look at them. Anything short of a firm "I'm not talking to you anymore" and then total silence, is engaging him in conversation. You block his email and he sends it to you on a different one, the only response is to block that. If you understood psychology, you would know that behavior you are trying to change will always increase in response to the actions being taken to decrease the behavior. As clearly you don't understand behavioral techniques, his slight change in tactics would be alarming to a layperson but is expected. When he changes tactics, you maintain yours, total silence. When he gets tired of trying with no reward, negative or positive, he will give up.

But, you have to want to do it first, and I'm not sure you are emotionally ready for that yet.

cherryblossom

03-11-2007, 01:10 PM

Ok, again, lets bring this back to basics.

Frankly this is nothing compared to what I had to deal with an ex boyfriend, this is nothing compared to many other women or men who had to get rid of someone. [QUOTE]

Tuffy, I have noticed that you have stated the above several several times over the course of posting to me on this thread... I would ask you to examine why.

[QUOTE]If you understood psychology, you would know that behavior you are trying to change will always increase in response to the actions being taken to decrease the behavior. As clearly you don't understand behavioral techniques, his slight change in tactics would be alarming to a layperson but is expected. When he changes tactics, you maintain yours, total silence. When he gets tired of trying with no reward, negative or positive, he will give up.

I understand psychology very well. Just because one chooses not to employ certain psychological techniques/principles, doesn't mean that one doesn't understand them. That's basic logic.

It's not my intention to get defensive, and I really don't mean to do that. I am open to all suggestions and I am grateful for the ones I have gotten thus far. A lot of the advice has made a lot of sense and been appropriate.

Tuffy

03-11-2007, 03:36 PM

[
Tuffy, I have noticed that you have stated the above several several times over the course of posting to me on this thread... I would ask you to examine why.

I understand psychology very well. Just because one chooses not to employ certain psychological techniques/principles, doesn't mean that one doesn't understand them. That's basic logic.

It's not my intention to get defensive, and I really don't mean to do that. I am open to all suggestions and I am grateful for the ones I have gotten thus far. A lot of the advice has made a lot of sense and been appropriate.

That would take very little examination, I bring up my past experience because I too didn't understand that my behavior and my mixed messages to someone else lead to a continuation of something I wanted to stop. So, I have been in your situation. I didn't change him, I changed me, I changed my behavior. The person who helped me figure that out was a person on another message board who very nicely pointed out the inconsistent manner in which I was thinking and acting and did it in such a way I could understand what I was doing was not working and why. It was a light bulb moment one would say. Once that happened, it become very simple to do what I needed to do. Nothing he did, changed what I needed to do and it worked.

If you understand all this information in theory, then take some deep breaths and carry out what you know you need to do. You may not be meaning to get defensive but at times you are, but that is how defenses work, we don't mean for them to get in the way of taking the healthy course, they just do.

noregrets

03-11-2007, 05:49 PM

"How do you get rid of someone who won’t go?…"

We here at DOL have been asking ourselves that question for a while!

magic-cat

03-11-2007, 06:00 PM

"How do you get rid of someone who won’t go?…"

We here at DOL have been asking ourselves that question for a while!

:eek: :) :o :D

Lightnbug

03-11-2007, 06:05 PM

"How do you get rid of someone who won’t go?…"

We here at DOL have been asking ourselves that question for a while!

ROFLMAO!

:p

magic-cat

03-11-2007, 06:08 PM

Alright, Lightnbug, let us now return to the zen state of ignoring. ;)

(But thank you, noregrets, that actually made me laugh)

poolman

03-11-2007, 06:11 PM

I got a big ROTFL as well

Lightnbug

03-11-2007, 06:18 PM

Alright, Lightnbug, let us now return to the zen state of ignoring. ;)

(But thank you, noregrets, that actually made me laugh)

I love the IGNORE button. Without it, my head just might explode.

magic-cat

03-11-2007, 06:26 PM

I haven't used it yet. But I've got a buddy list going! And my buddies get little plussies beside their names. (Thank you to radar for figuring that out for me)

cherryblossom

03-11-2007, 06:58 PM

I hope something can be done about the recent slew of off topic comments on this thread. It takes away from the credibility of the site.

Bluefish

03-11-2007, 07:07 PM

Not off-topic at all cherry; hard words for a would-be therapist, but certainly not off-topic.

Lightnbug

03-11-2007, 07:16 PM

Not off-topic at all cherry; hard words for a would-be therapist, but certainly not off-topic.

"Would-be"? It sounds as if you have doubts.

cherryblossom

03-11-2007, 07:26 PM

Not off-topic at all cherry; hard words for a would-be therapist, but certainly not off-topic.

Bluefish, how do off topic comments laughing and talking about "ignoring someone" have anything to do with a "would-be therapist"?

If posters want to ignore someone, I understand that there is an ignore button option. A more mature approach, I would say. Anyway, it isn't my site, I'm just noting my concerns.

willowtree

03-11-2007, 07:27 PM

"How do you get rid of someone who won’t go?…"

We here at DOL have been asking ourselves that question for a while!

:p

Funny as that is, though, we are doing exactly what we are telling CherryB NOT to do. And why? Because like CherryB enjoys the feedback she is getting from her psycho sadist, we must be getting something, too.

magic-cat

03-11-2007, 07:44 PM

willow, that's actually a good observation, and pertinent all the way across the board. You are correct. So let's take a look at it from every single angle -- and I mean this sincerely.

Cherry says she's got a sort of email stalker, one who won't take GTH for an answer. The stalker, in fact, keeps coming back, and coming back and coming back, and she's concerned enough (is she?) that she brings the situation here to DOL for feedback on what to do about it. She doesn't know how to handle the person who keeps approaching her.

If the stalker really is a "psycho and sadist" (you've got your terminology wrong on that one, cherry), then she has something to be afraid of. If he's just a persistent annoyance because he's a temptation or something, then calling him a "psycho and sadist" is more than a little overboard. He's just an annoyance.

So, what if he's a HUGE annoyance? What if he sends her angry emails and threats, and actually borders on being something more than an annoyance?

She said she blocked his email, and he got another one to slip through into her email box. Obviously the guy could do this ad infinitum if he chose to, and that sort of thing is just weird, if not downright sicko. Seriously.

Now, since we've only got the details we've already been handed here on this annoying stalker/emailer/guy, I would ask cherry to give us a better understanding of where she is on the whole thing.

Cherry: What would you say is the best thing you can do to get rid of this creep? How do you feel about the fact that he's willing to go to great lengths to keep contacting you, right down to changing his email? And what will you do if he never gets the message and quits? What if he starts threatening you?

cherryblossom

03-11-2007, 07:48 PM

If I were a new poster coming to this site for answers, encouragement and advice, and I read these recent comments, it wouldn't look too good to me...

Stepping off of my soapbox now.

magic-cat

03-11-2007, 08:01 PM

My post and questions were perfectly sincere and perfectly on topic.

How do you feel about the guy not being willing to give up and back off even after he's been told "go away"? And what do you envision yourself doing if he persists?

noregrets

03-12-2007, 08:54 PM

:p

Funny as that is, though, we are doing exactly what we are telling CherryB NOT to do. And why? Because like CherryB enjoys the feedback she is getting from her psycho sadist, we must be getting something, too.

LOL. I know. That was kind of the point.

ejmuller

03-13-2007, 06:07 AM

Hmm... I see we have our first banning. That didn't take long, did it?

magic-cat

03-13-2007, 07:00 AM

Hmm... I see we have our first banning. That didn't take long, did it?

Nor the re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-return.

Lightnbug

03-13-2007, 08:16 AM

Nor the re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-return.

Same as it ever was.

*sigh*

zuzuzu

03-13-2007, 08:57 AM

Consider the irony: Thread title "How do you get rid of someone who won't go?"

Unique Handle

03-13-2007, 09:16 AM

Consider the irony: Thread title "How do you get rid of someone who won't go?"

He/she really puts the Freud in schodenfreude.

Theo!

03-13-2007, 11:05 AM

Time for my obligatory self-righteous "let it go" post:

Until you guys can rise above it, it will not change. Ask yourselves what you really want to see happen, and act accordingly.

Sorry to get all up on my high horse. As you were.

willowtree

03-13-2007, 11:12 AM

I agree with you Theo - in fact, I stated the same thing yesterday sometime.

OTOH, though.... pretending a troll is not a troll does not make them magically not a troll. It gives them power. Same as pretending an abuser is OK... until they do it again.

If we need to put a troll on ignore, we ALL need to put a troll on ignore...

ejmuller

03-13-2007, 11:14 AM

People did rise above it this time Theo. She was treated fairly and honestly and at face value. But she was true to her nature and got banned again. I have no idea what she did to get banned - I did not pay any attention to her latest incarnation and ignored her as much as humanly possible. This particular pernicious person did what she did regardless of what anyone posted or didn't post, regardless of Admin's heroic attempts to contain her.

Theo!

03-13-2007, 11:28 AM

The thing is, I don't keep track of who's who. I obviously know most of the regulars, but even with most of them I don't remember the details of their histories. I don't watch new posters for familiar-sounding stories or speech patterns. I see a new handle, I treat it as a new poster until I have reason to do otherwise. Maybe I'm too trusting, or maybe it just takes too much out of me to worry about it.

I don't necessarily agree that responding to a valid post is empowering, regardless of the source. I think it's closer to postive reinforcement. I'm reminded of one of my daughter's classmates with whom she has a hot/cold relationship. This girl really wants to be my daughter's friend in the worst way, but she's got a lot of insecurities that lead her to occasionally act out in antisocial ways. My daughter doesn't know what to do. My advice has been to simply tell her "if you want to be my friend, you have to play nice." You don't need to tell her she can't be your friend, you don't need to talk about her behind her back to your other friends, just play nice or don't play.

Look, you guys can all disagree with me all you want, but your way doesn't work. That's been proven time and time again. And to imply that my responses to the occasional valid post are part of the problem when people are continuing to sling mud in open forums (we DO have a PM feature now, in case it's missed anyone's attention)...well, I don't know what to say to that.

Theo!

03-13-2007, 11:31 AM

People did rise above it this time Theo

No they didn't. There are plenty of posts made just to say "here we go again", or "look who's back". That's not rising above it.

ejmuller

03-13-2007, 12:06 PM

People ARE human, Theo.

willowtree

03-13-2007, 12:21 PM

No they didn't. There are plenty of posts made just to say "here we go again", or "look who's back". That's not rising above it.

It's also not slinging mud.

I guess it's a lot easier to "not keep track" of who someone is, when instead of having friends bullied off the board by personal attacks, or getting told your daughter is a slut, or your plight of an STD is put out there in bold healdlines, you get "I like how you think, Theo. ;) "

Listen, I do understand that in your opinion, playing nice even with a snake in the grass is the way to go. Maybe you don't even see that it is different for those that didn't get the "winky" troll, but the mean-spirited bully troll.

I never got bullied by her/it, and I could care less if I did. But I *was* bullied by my ex, and I don't want people like him around my "safe" areas. And if we follow the premise that to make someone go away, you have to ignore them *completely*, you can't give them any feedback at all, bad or good. And in that case, you fail just as much as we do, except in the opposite direction. You cannot play nice with a snake - they are a snake.

By the way, do you think it was a coincidence that it posted a thread about looking for a dog, at the very same time I had posted my thread about feeling bad that I couldn't have one right now?

Jigsaw

03-13-2007, 12:26 PM

Ditto Theo.

ghead1

03-13-2007, 12:37 PM

Just my 2 cents, but I imagine that as much as "it" got off from the interactions between herself and other posters, I'm going to think "it" gets off even more by watching good posters attacking each other over her.

So I beg all you good, kind people, whom I think the world of, to save your anger for the real problem here... and spare each other. Both ways.

not that I'm telling you how to post, but think about what I just said.

pbj12

03-13-2007, 12:46 PM

People ARE human, Theo. I guess we're just not up to your lofty standards.

Now that is just nasty.

Theo, just keep being you.

Lightnbug

03-13-2007, 12:49 PM

By the way, do you think it was a coincidence that it posted a thread about looking for a dog, at the very same time I had posted my thread about feeling bad that I couldn't have one right now?

That was pretty low of it.

Theo!

03-13-2007, 12:52 PM

I guess it's a lot easier to "not keep track" of who someone is, when instead of having friends bullied off the board by personal attacks, or getting told your daughter is a slut, or your plight of an STD is put out there in bold healdlines, you get "I like how you think, Theo. ;) "

I don't come here for a pat on the back from anyone. If I did, I wouldn't make these posts that so clearly go against the will of the majority. I don't know what the story behind this situation is, and quite frankly I don't want to.

By the way, do you think it was a coincidence that it posted a thread about looking for a dog, at the very same time I had posted my thread about feeling bad that I couldn't have one right now?

I have no idea, and it's not something I care to even consider when deciding whether or not to reply to any given post. I'm not going to start sifting through every new poster's words to look for ulterior motives. There probably isn't a single thread on this board at any given time that couldn't be considered offensive or hurtful to someone. I'm not defending anyone's actions or denying the possibility, I'm just saying the day it becomes that much work for me to participate here is the day I log out for good.

ejmuller

03-13-2007, 12:56 PM

That wasn't nasty at all. Theo does seem to have very high standards of behavior for all of us. It is a very human reaction to resent the presence of someone who has been very cruel to many people on this board (myself included) and who has caused Admin no end of trouble. If he feels that he can do this, fine. But I think he should lay off those of us who cannot meet these standards. And Willow had a good point - Theo's posts are just as much of a reaction to the troll as anything anyone else posts.

lizzie

03-13-2007, 12:59 PM

willowtree

03-13-2007, 01:02 PM

For the record, just because I disagree with you, Theo, does not mean I don't respect your right to your opinion, or your right to disagree with mine. Peace.

zuzuzu

03-13-2007, 01:03 PM

magic-cat

03-13-2007, 01:13 PM

ghead mentions something very important that I hope hasn't escaped any of us.

"It" gets off on seeing us fight. That's why "it" does much of what "it" does. And if any of us here think that "it", (sorry, Theo, but I'm not going to offer the troll the dignity of refering to it as a legitimate human), isn't reading all this right now and sniggering it's shrivelled little brains out, we're kidding ourselves.

Theo, you and I have talked about this by pm, and that's been great. Everyone here can rest assured that Theo knows what "it" has done, though I don't think he recalls to what levels or how seriously. But he's not being nice to "it" because he's naive or stupid. Theo's just a nice man. Period.

For the record, the troll has attacked me personally, and on a number of occasions -- and frankly, without provocation. The first time was because I defended a friend here, and after that I guess I was fair game. As willow says, "So what?" Hey, sticks-n-stones and all that stuff. I'm not intimidated by an unhinged drive-by troll.

BUT... as willow also said, (and wham! You expressed my own feelings perfectly), "But I *was* bullied by my ex, and I don't want people like him around my "safe" areas. And if we follow the premise that to make someone go away, you have to ignore them *completely*, you can't give them any feedback at all, bad or good."

Theo, you said that you told your daughter to tell bullies, ""if you want to be my friend, you have to play nice."

Darling, that's not how it works with bullies or trolls. And this one is a dangerous troll, because this one winkies and snuggles and ingratiates itself into the more private life of the naive, where "it" collects private information it should not have. Information about others on the board. Do you want it to have your full name and where you live? Do you want it privvy to things you've told someone in private -- things that have hurt or embarrassed you -- so that it can post it in a million repetitive posts here on DOL for everyone to see? That's what it does.

Theo, I've never seen you as anything but kind, well thought out, and logical. My opinion of you has not and probably will never change.

But if you don't want anyone here posting nasty stuff to "it" and causing trouble, then there probably has to be a consensus by all to not post to "it" at all. Not bad, not good. No engaging "it" in conversation.

No one here wants to keep tabs on who the next incarnation might be -- which is one more reason that pathetic little piece of net ****e is reviled here on DOL. (And heaven knows where else). But "it" makes a really huge, really loud point of making sure it's recognized each and every time, and quite quickly. That's not a coincidence. That's intentional. And it's to cause a problem.

So, for those of us who can spot "it" a mile away, how about if one of us simply pm's Theo the name, and he can avoid conversation with it? I'd be glad to.

For the rest of us, let's stop the in-bickering. It serves no purpose, and someone out there, watching in the shadows of it's little cave troll hole, "it" is highly amused to once again be the center of attention. Even if it's actually just boring us to death.

Truce all?

pbj12

03-13-2007, 01:13 PM

I guess I'm saying that I'll engage with anyone who seems reasonable, until such time as I have reason to believe that there is something wrong. If the "something wrong" is simply conjecture, then I reserve the right to engage until that time.

zuzu, And that is how I handle it too. I tried to give you some good points for that, but it looks like I need to spread the good points before giving you more!

EJ, I believe that Theo is following Theo's way of posting and you and others are following the way they want to post. He doesn't think his posting to certain posters should be called out as bad posts--because what he says is meaningful, perhaps not to the troll, but maybe to some passerby who is reading.

What I don't get is why you think you can call someone out for their way of posting. And especially someone who actually takes the time to post on this site with intelligent posts instead of gobble-gookie garbage.

magic-cat

03-13-2007, 01:16 PM

By the way, has anyone here ever been camping? Have you ever seen the a sign that says "Do not feed the bears", or "Clean up your campsite to avoid having bears come in"?

When you leave the food out, even with good intentions and thinking it might feed some harmless little chipmunks, you're inviting bears.

And no one should be surprised when the bear shows up, tears everything apart, and leaves the camp in a state of chaos, panic and anger.

This thread is bear food. I'm going to email Admin and ask the whole thing be wiped out.

ejmuller

03-13-2007, 01:17 PM

Actually, this round of troll baiting was completely without me. I didn't post anything about her or her threads or her past history. Nada. I'm not calling anyone out. I posted my opinion. Theo posted his. That's pretty much it. I'm not sure why you think he needs you to jump to his defense but so be it.

pbj12

03-13-2007, 01:19 PM

Not jumping to the defense of him. Just stating how I read your thread and his. State an opinion of another poster...hmmmm...are we allowed to do that now?

magic-cat

03-13-2007, 01:20 PM

Okay, will someone please show me how to email Admin?

ejmuller

03-13-2007, 01:21 PM

Click on the Feedback button in the upper right-hand corner.

Theo!

03-13-2007, 01:22 PM

So, for those of us who can spot "it" a mile away, how about if one of us simply pm's Theo the name, and he can avoid conversation with it? I'd be glad to.

I appreciate your kind words M-C and I know you're trying to find a reasonable solution, but I don't know if I can, in good conscience, let someone else tell me who I can and can't post to.

I still don't agree that valid responses to valid posts are in any way harmful, but I do agree that this dialogue is, and I'm responsible for starting it. If anyone wants to continue discussing it with me in PMs you're welcome to, but I'll let the public debate live or die without me.

magic-cat

03-13-2007, 01:31 PM

but I don't know if I can, in good conscience, let someone else tell me who I can and can't post to.

Likewise, however, it wouldn't be fair or right to tell others who and how they can post. We've all learned that here, right?

Now EVERYONE let it die.

**hitting the feedback button**

Lightnbug

03-13-2007, 01:31 PM

There's a REPORT button on the bottom left of each post for alerting him to a bad post.

Jigsaw

03-13-2007, 01:33 PM

Don't you guys think that Admin has better things to do besides monitor a bunch of adults on a bulletin board?

Maybe he should get a beeper and cellphone so he can be alerted in case of DOL emergency!

steamy

03-13-2007, 01:48 PM

Well that was interesting....I came on to find out why cherry b was banned. Glad i missed it.

Southernbelle

03-13-2007, 01:52 PM

There's more to having sex than just having sex. Sex is just that "sex", nothing else. When two people really care for each other and they have a great chemistry, it's called making love.

Don't belittle yourself into thinking that sex is ever good enough to settle for. Don't talk to this guy, cut off all communications.

Jigsaw

03-13-2007, 01:56 PM

She was banned because she had a green symbol next to her name, just like you do!

OneMoreTry

03-13-2007, 02:03 PM

Maybe he should get a beeper and cellphone so he can be alerted in case of DOL emergency!

LOL Jigsaw.

Seriously, I do not know how to spot a troll, although instinctively I had a feeling something was not right. It is unsettling, though, to read the experiences, or rather, the results, of this type of behavior. So, if any of you would be so kind as to send me a pm if you think there is something/someone I should be leery of, today or in the future, I would greatly appreciate it!! :)

P.S. I am hoping "troll spotting" will become easier the longer I am here, so hopefully the need to guide/instruct me will be short-lived. :o

Tiddly

03-13-2007, 02:05 PM

I've been here 10 years and I still cannot spot them!

Bluefish

03-13-2007, 02:07 PM

I've been here 10 years and I still cannot spot them!

Sometimes you can just sense them lurking in the background, scheming. Think "Twilight Zone" music.

Southernbelle

03-13-2007, 02:14 PM

I must admit I missed it too. I guess my post meant nothing to her then, it went over her head. I truly do feel sorry for people like this. Makes you think of the Crying Wolf Story. What if she really does have a problem she would like to talk about here? No one would take it for real. It's sad.

Tuffy

03-13-2007, 04:09 PM

I honestly didn't recognize the troll until someone prompted me to think about it via PM. I can appreciate that there are those who are on the lookout more than I am, and who are quicker to see things that don't appear to me so easily.

Perhaps I would feel differently if I was more aware of who was harmed or the clear intention to harm. In this case, many of the posts seemed quite reasonable. That being the case, and even knowing in retrospect that this person is/was a troll, I am still fine with having engaged to respond. What I might have posted may still be useful to someone else, even if the initiator of a thread had longer-term negative intentions.

I guess I'm saying that I'll engage with anyone who seems reasonable, until such time as I have reason to believe that there is something wrong. If the "something wrong" is simply conjecture, then I reserve the right to engage until that time.

I'm pretty much feeling the same way as zuzu. I'll post to any reasonable concern. And I'll try to be helpful. But, as it became clearer who it was, I did feel the need to start...lets say being harder then I normally would on someone else. But the concern as posted can be a valid one, it can be a big problem and it's often feed into by mixed messages and doing the wrong thing.

But on the other hand, I think the board is better off without the problem person. And I did note the dog post, it did seem like a low blow when I noticed the timing of it.

noregrets

03-14-2007, 08:55 PM

By the way, has anyone here ever been camping? Have you ever seen the a sign that says "Do not feed the bears", or "Clean up your campsite to avoid having bears come in"?

When you leave the food out, even with good intentions and thinking it might feed some harmless little chipmunks, you're inviting bears.

And no one should be surprised when the bear shows up, tears everything apart, and leaves the camp in a state of chaos, panic and anger.

Me! We always use Bear Bags or Bear Boxes. You don't need to see a Bear to know that it's there. A Bear wandered through our camp one night while I huddled in my tent. Boy did that bear smell bad!